Anyone who's known me for more than 10 minutes usually works out pretty quickly that I love to help people. If there are meals to be cooked, a house to be cleaned, packing to be done or any other way I can lend a hand then I'm usually there. I do these things because it makes me happy to help... but on the flip-side of the happiness, it causes me some insecurity and doubt.

My friends are usually grateful to have help when it's needed, and because I tend to help a number of different people I'll often have people saying things like, "You're so great... what would we do without your help?" While that's lovely (and entirely heartfelt) it often makes me wonder, "What would our friendship be like if I were not so willing to help out so often?" I guess this just highlights my own insecurities and inability to trust people... but it would be really good sometimes if people said nice things about ME as a person, and not just about me in reference to what I do. The things I do stem from who I am as a person, but there is more to me than that. I'd like to think that if I were suddenly incapacitated and unable to do the things I do now (or I were not incapacitated but decided to stop doing them anyway), my friends wouldn't change their opinion of me. And frankly, I'd like to be sure about what that opinion is... it's not like people are over-eager to share. I include myself in that - I very rarely tell my friends how much they mean to me, and why.

I know, I know, it's all about my fears and insecurities.... but surely I'm not the only one who thinks things like this occasionally??


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