Of this and that, and a bit of the other too

I decided it was time to do a bit of a catch-up post since I haven't blogged in a while, but I'm having trouble remembering exactly what I've been doing that has got in the way of blogging. I know there's been stuff. Important stuff. It kept me busy. Really. I just can't seem to remember any of it.

Work has been a bit better. Things are still hard but the staff team is starting to regroup and life goes on. On Monday a lovely parishioner came in with cupcakes for the staff team and on Friday another parishioner arrived with flowers for me and for the woman who volunteers in the office on Friday. In both cases it was because they thought we might be feeling a bit stressed and sad. I've tried to institute a new rule that anyone who comes into the church office must bring flowers or food but that idea doesn't seem to be taking off.

On Saturday I went to my church's musicians' camp (ie, the church I attend, not the one where I work). The fact that I went to the camp is more hilarious than it sounds given that I couldn't hit a recognisable note with a gun to my head (although really, who could?) and I can't seem to manage the multi-tasking required to sing and clap at the same time. However, I support the music pastor and music team by doing their admin stuff so they kindly invited me to the camp. I only went for a few hours but heard two sensational talks about praise - why God is worthy of praise and how we can praise him. The speaker pointed out that we don't actually need to use the word 'praise' in order to praise God. Good point ... there are many, many songs that enthusiastically declare (over and over and over) "we want to praise you, God" but never get around to the actual... praising God part. Reminds me of a friend who used to say to people, "I want to encourage you." And that was it; his entire method of 'encouragement' was that sentence. Whenever he said it to me I'd say, "Okay... fire away then. Encourage me." Unfortunately my sarcasm was lost on him.

Counselling has been mostly focussed on what's happening at work which is annoying in some ways but a good break in others. It was getting a bit intense for a while so diverting my attention to something else might not have been a bad thing. On the other hand, though, there have been a few moments of thinking, "Honestly, could I just deal with one thing at a time??"

And finally, in kitten news... Sophie is bringing me great joy and lots of laughs. The first pic below was taken just after I discovered she'd not only snuck into my room when I accidentally left the door open but she'd also realised that the bed is the place to be. I just love her "oh crap - I've been busted!" look. The other pics are just because I like them.

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Changes

I haven't blogged much recently because there has been stuff happening. My boss - ie, the minister of the church where I work - resigned from his position just before Easter. Staff were told about it just after Easter, it was announced to the congregation last Sunday, and today was his last Sunday at the church.

He is leaving for personal reasons and the family is moving back interstate to be closer to their wider family. I respect that and I think they've made the right choice. I am, however, heartbroken at their decision. It is a huge loss for the church and a huge loss to those of us who work there. A locum has been appointed and he will work part time, including Sundays, in the role of vicar whilst the church begins the long process of finding a new minister. After the last minister left it took 18 months to appoint the current... well, now former... minister. It's a process that should take a considerable amount of time. As Christians, we believe that leaders are appointed by God and are responsible for leading, caring, teaching and praying for the people under their care. It's a big deal, and as such we shouldn't go for the next person who happens to be looking for a job. We need to be prayerful and considerate... and we will be, but it leaves the church in an unsettled state. It's a difficult time; and right now is especially difficult because the resignation came as a surprise and we've had very little time to get used to it. We are unsettled and we are all very sad.

It's difficult for me too, even though I am not a parishioner of that church. I have spoken before about how much I love my job. A large part of that is because we have a great staff team. There are four of us and we work well together. It's been a joy to come to work. Now one quarter of the team has left and it leaves a hole for us. Additionally, roughly 50% of my job is just being PA to the minister... so my job will change quite a lot and I'm not sure yet how it's going to look.

If you're a praying person, please pray. This is a difficult time.
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Big fish in a small pond

I started back at work yesterday after three weeks off. As I parked my car I groaned at the thought of being back at work but within about ten minutes I was thinking, "Oh, that's right, I love this job."

I do love my job but I was surprised the other day to hear what a friend thinks about it. She knew me back when I was working in the insurance industry and earning quite a bit more than I am now. In those days I was in a job with some responsibility and influence but I was still just part of the machine. I left that job to go to uni and eventually ended up where I work now, which is very different in a variety of ways and also pays about $18,000pa less than the other job. My friend's email to me asked me whether I regret leaving the insurance job, particularly in view of the pay differential. I replied with an emphatic 'no', because the job satisfaction and environment in my current job far outweigh the money factor; and although it now takes me a long time to save up for any major purchases, I'm certainly making enough to eat and pay bills and have the occasional treat - and I'm happy with that. Her response to me was, "I thought that's what you'd say. I knew you'd be happier being the big wheel there than being a small fish in a big pond."

I'm not entirely sure how she meant that response to be taken but I was kind of offended. She seems to have missed the point. My job enjoyment doesn't stem from the fact that I am a "big wheel" (which I'm not because my role consists almost entirely of providing assistance to the people who are the real 'big wheels'). My job enjoyment stems from the fact that I am in a supportive environment where we all respect and care for each other. When I had to take three days off work because I had a bad reaction to an antidepressant I had phone calls and messages from everyone at work (and from my boss's wife) and they all asked if there was anything they could do to help me, like bring a meal around. If I'd had the bad reaction while at my previous job they would have said, "Make sure you get a medical certificate." And for that matter I would never have told them it was an antidepressant that had caused the reaction because I couldn't trust them not to hold it against me in some way.

People talk about work/life balance - as though 'work' is separate from 'life' - and about the importance of job satisfaction but I'm starting to think that most people don't mean it. Or perhaps it's that job satisfaction has become tied up with money, like we can only be satisfied at work if we're earning X dollars. I would have no objections to earning more money but I've come to realise lately that I really don't want money if it comes with the stresses and lack of support - the facelessness - inherent in the types of jobs I used to have.

It's not at all about being the big wheel. It's about being a person and not a resource. That makes all the difference.
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Six more sleeps

No, not six more sleeps until Santa comes. Six more sleeps until my annual leave starts. Believe me, it can't come soon enough. Don't get me wrong; I love my job. When we had our Christmas lunch the other day my boss asked us all to name our highlight of the work year and mine was "landing this job" (I started work there at the end of April). It's a real blessing to work in a job I love - the people with whom I work are encouraging, friendly and lots of fun; and the parishioners who drop in (I work in a church) have embraced me warmly even though I worship in a different church. And I love working in a church... it's so great to chat about how things are going and then to pray together.

Having said all that... I've had a rough year from a personal point of view and an exhausting year at work, as I've learned the job and invested a lot of energy and time into relationship building. I am tired. I am finding it harder to be patient and gracious in a job that requires a lot of patience and grace. I look forward to the weekend with almost indecent enthusiasm and I find it harder to get out of bed on the days when I work. I'm grumpy, and it's not always hormonal!

So, bring on the holidays! I'll be off from Christmas Day until 14 January (three weeks - yay!) and I'm not going anywhere and I have no plans... except to recharge my batteries, and to return to work ready to run with endurance the race set before me.

So that's what the bottom of the ironing basket looks like

I did my ironing today. ALL of it. It took me all of Tea With Mussolini and two-thirds of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. (Seriously, how did we iron before we had videos and DVDs to distract us and make it less painful?) I found things in the ironing basket I'd forgotten I even owned.

So now I'm sitting here thinking, "Well, it's time for sleep. What shall I wear to work tomorrow? I have all these choices now that everything is ironed"... but underneath it all is the certainty that I'll just end up cycling through the same four or five outfits even though my double wardrobe is packed full of clothes.

Still... I did all my ironing. Wow.

HECS

Or actually HELP, which is what they're calling it now. Perhaps because they help you to the poorhouse. I now owe the government $14,534 for my education (on top of the $1000 or so per year I paid direct to the university for amenities fees and books etc). It amuses me that I owe $14.5K for my education, but said education resulted in a job where I'm earning below the compulsory repayment threshhold.

Bwahahaha! Take that, John Howard!

Huzzah!

I've just been offered a new job! I don't have time to blog properly right now, but let's just say I'm very very happy. More later.

Update:
Okay, now it's 'later' so here's more information. As you may be aware, I'm currently working in a church office... not the church I attend (not even the denomination I attend). In some ways I've loved the job because it's fairly autonomous and the people have been very friendly and welcoming. In other ways, though, it's been quite difficult. It's a very isolating job - I'm in the church alone most of the time - and that can get a bit wearing. The main thing, however, is that the theology of the church is so different from mine that I feel like I'm facing opposition constantly. It's 'friendly' opposition and certainly no one has tried to pick on me or openly insult me for my beliefs, but even friendly opposition is difficult.

The minister, and many of the parishioners, hold extremely liberal views. The minister doesn't believe that Jesus is God, doesn't believe in a bodily resurrection, dismisses most of the Bible as having a political purpose (so it may contain useful life lessons but isn't the word of God), doesn't believe that God can intervene to answer prayer, doesn't believe in sin or the need for atonement and believes that all faiths are on essentially the same path. This cuts right at the heart of what I believe - and what the Bible says - and it's been difficult to work in that atmosphere. Those who share the minister's views think that I'm old-fashioned, bigoted and (possibly) stupid and uninformed, at the very least. I'm constantly hearing about evil, 'traditional' teaching and how awful it was... this would be the same teaching that is exactly in line with what I believe God still says through the Bible.

The new job is basically the same thing - managing a church office - but it's in a church with solid, evangelical, Biblical teaching. I'm so excited about working in a place where I can support gospel ministry, where people aren't being taught lies; to be working in a church where Jesus is Lord and people are keen to do Kingdom work. It's a huge relief and a definite answer to prayer.

I've moved!

And there is still a whole lot of unpacking to be done - some of which can't be started until I buy some more bookshelves. There is also a frighteningly large pile of stuff back at the old place that must be sorted through and brought over here. Still, the new house is fully functional and I enjoyed sleeping here last night. I also enjoyed a shower with excellent water pressure... next purchase: water-saver shower head. The pressure was a little too excellent.

And now to find out how long it takes me to get to work from here...

Edit:
20 - 25 minutes in peak hour. Not bad.

Checklist

Number of days until I move house: 6
Number of days until I move house excluding moving day itself: 5
Number of days until I move house excluding moving day and days I'm at work or church: 3.5
Amount of stuff not yet packed: most of house
Level of panic: moderate
Level of denial about time left to pack vs. packing still to be done: enormous
Amount of sleep I expect to get in the next week: minimal
Level of excitement about the new place even taking into account the above factors: HUGE!

Study, work and sanity

Another boring update... Firstly, I love my new job. It's exactly what I needed, when I needed it. (Hmmm.... is it possible God IS in control after all??) I have a large degree of autonomy - ie, I can do whatever I like in whatever manner I choose so long as the work gets done. I have already developed a good relationship with the minister so I feel very good about working there.

Secondly, uni. After some agonising I decided to take a complete break from study. I realised I was hating it, and treating Honours like a prison sentence that had to be survived. Given how much I used to enjoy studying, that was very sad, and not at all the way I wanted to approach uni, so I have applied to withdraw in good standing. This means my Honours credits will stay there for ten years and I can return any time within that ten years and pick up where I left off. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I'm very happy with my decision. I've been getting mixed reactions from people though. Here's a sample:

"About time you made that decision - I thought you should have quit months ago. Now make sure you get out there and start having a life."

"It's a good decision so long as it's only a short break and you go back to what you were doing soon, instead of leaving it for too long."

"You're just doing a 20hr/week admin job now? But what do you want to do with your life?"

"Staying well and keeping sane and safe is a good thing. Honours is good but not worth being crazy for."

"Can you survive on that amount of money?"

"I really hope to work with you again and am sad you're leaving, but you've made the right decision. Looking after yourself is the most important thing."

"But what do you want to do with your life?"

"But what do you want to do with your life?"

"But what..." (you get the idea...)

I can understand the "what do you want to do with your life" question and I probably would have asked it myself if I hadn't had the experiences of the past year. But now I feel differently and I'm not so goal-oriented. Or perhaps I just realised that I was aiming for the wrong goals.

In addition to the church admin job, which is 2.5 days per week, I've kept two of my cleaning jobs. They're both fortnightly on a Monday so I have one cleaning job per week. It's a little extra cash which I don't entirely need, but it helps to get it because I'm paid monthly in the new job... getting the cleaning money weekly will help me survive on the months when I don't budget very well!

Finally, my mental health. Well, my emotions continue to be up and down but the general trend is upwards. There are far fewer really horrendous days and overall I feel a lot more in control of things. Counselling is helping a lot, and pulling out of uni has made a big difference too. When I saw my psychologist this week she said, "You're smiling! It's so great to see you looking a bit happier... you're like a different person. It's a huge change; you have no idea." I said, "Oh yeah, I have an idea!" I'm still working through a whole lot of stuff and I don't feel like I'm my old self yet... but I don't think I'm going to be my old self anyway. There are some things I'm throwing away and there are some things that are healing but leaving scars. I'll be okay in the end, but I can't be the same person. Maybe that's a good thing.

Hurrah!

Yesterday I went for a job interview and this morning they rang and offered it to me. Hurrah! Actually I already knew because they rang my referees and told them they were planning to offer me the job... so of course one of them immediately e-mailled me and said, "I have good news about your job." To which I replied, "I think that's actually a breach of privacy legislation... but yay!"

It's a church secretary position - one of those catch-all jobs that's perfect for someone like me who loves to organise things and bring order to chaos. It sounds like I'll have a number (a large number) of regular tasks each week/fortnight but a fair bit of autonomy as to how they are done. I'm looking forward to starting... okay, I admit, I'm mostly looking forward to having a regular - and quite decent - income. Nothing like what I was earning in the old days, but about double what I get from Austudy so I'm definitely ahead. I'll keep at least two of my cleaning jobs but may have to negotiate the others. I'm not sure it's feasible to keep all of them, but if I drop one of the fortnightly ones that leaves me with two per week (three clients, two of them fortnightly and one weekly). I'd like to keep them up, partly because all three of them are friends from church and I know that the cleaning is a big help to them, and partly because I don't want to drop all my cleaning jobs and have the church secretary job fall through unexpectedly in two months. I'll try it this way for a month or two and see how it goes.

My only small concern is that I'll have less time for doing uni work, although the way I'll probably organise my hours means I'll have one full day and two half days free, as well as evenings and weekends. It will mean being more disciplined, and that's a bit of a worry given what my concentration and energy levels have been like. However, I'm hoping that having less time might motivate me to work more efficiently in the time I have. My iron levels are better and that has given me a bit more energy, but I'm still sleeping quite badly and still having some pretty bad days emotionally. However, I feel like I'm moving uphill, albeit very slowly and not without pain and effort, so I think this will be good, ultimately. If nothing else, having a regular job will give me a reason to get out of bed, and organisation/admin tasks will be good for my brain.

I'm constantly amazed at God's sense of timing. I was looking for a job a couple of months ago and really hoping that I would find a church admin type position somewhere. I ended up being very discouraged because nothing was available, but in hindsight I realise I just didn't have the physical or emotional energy for a regular job. I really needed those few extra weeks to get a bit healthier and to start to see some benefit in counselling. This last counselling session was the first one where I felt like it might actually be helpful, not just painful, and the first time that I felt like I could eventually feel better... and was offered this job two days later. This is not to suggest that everything is fixed now, but I can see the way God knows the best timing for things. This is both an answer to prayer and a reason for prayer - praise God!

Visions

It's really quite hard to know what to do with the visions and prophecies in the Bible. I'm reading through Daniel at the moment and today I read chapter 8, where Daniel has a vision of a ram and goats. Gabriel interprets the vision for him, but at the end Daniel says, "I was appalled by the vision and did not understand it." (Daniel 8 v 27b) While it's somewhat comforting to know that even Daniel didn't quite get it, it does leave me wondering exactly what I'm supposed to take from this? We're working through Daniel in the evening service at church, so I suppose I'll have someone else's views on this in a few weeks... for the moment, what I'm taking from it is that God is in control of all things. Daniel's visions are mostly about the rise and fall of kingdoms and of evil in the world - that's the kind of thing that can be disheartening and leave people wondering what God is doing. I guess it's comforting to know that God is in control of the (seemingly) godless stuff too. (But I'll keep you posted on what is said in the sermon in a few weeks...)

And in other news:
I managed to get a fair bit done on my essay yesterday, so I'm feeling okay about that, even though I'm still way behind in my work. I actually enjoyed what I was studying, too, which is a definite answer to prayer. Honours has not been fun so far, which has been somewhat disappointing given how much I enjoyed the previous three years. Well, I enjoyed the studying... there were plenty of other things going on in life that weren't so enjoyable. Anyway I was starting to feel like this year was tainting everything I've done previously, which would be no way to finish (if I should have to finish after this year).

And while I'm talking about answers to prayer - Melbourne's water storage levels are up to 32%, while Sydney's are up to 55%. They've both increased over the last few weeks; and that's the highest Sydney's has been in ages. Praise God!

Continued blessings

When I received the letters about the scholarships (a mere four days ago) I thought, "If I can just pick up two more cleaning jobs I'll be able to quit the checkout chick job and just do the cleaning." The way it works is, I get a student benefit from the government, but this reduces if I earn over a certain amount. So I was working at the supermarket, losing money from the government benefit and working two cleaning jobs to make up for what I was losing by working at the supermarket. By taking on extra cleaning jobs I'll end up with roughly the same in the hand but I'll be earning it in 8 hours per week instead of 20... and that was the real issue for me, because it felt like I was spending all my time working and was trying to fit uni in around it. Madness.

Anyway, in the last four days I have managed to pick up three more cleaning jobs, which means I actually have five, but two of them are fortnightly on alternate weeks so it's only four per week. I said to my housemate this morning, "I can't believe I said I need more cleaning jobs and they've just appeared almost instantly!" (To which he replied, "And you've been a Christian for how long??") So I quit my supermarket job today and am now chatting with all my cleanees to work out suitable days. I'd like to split them over two days because I'm not particularly keen on doing eight hours of cleaning on one day!

I was chatting with another friend today about the way I'm constantly surprised when God provides for me in this way (these "coincidences"). She said, "It just shows how broken we are, when we can't leave things in God's hands and are so surprised when he looks after us." Unfortunately, so true.

Relief

Praise God, I have just been awarded not one, but TWO scholarships! I'm not a millionaire now or anything, and I still need to work in order to do wild and crazy things like eat and pay the rent, but this gives me a lot more breathing space than I had previously, and has relieved some major pressures (which would probably explain why my first reaction was to burst into tears and cry for about 30 minutes... apparently I was a little more stressed about this than I'd realised.)

Is there a way of saying "God is great" without it sounding like "God is great because he gives me stuff"?? Nevertheless, God IS great, whether or not he gives me "stuff"... and he gave me Jesus, who is waaay better than any old scholarship! Well, anyway, no matter how it sounds the fact is I am very grateful to my loving, compassionate and gracious God who continues to provide for me.

Great evening; unpleasant end

I had some friends around to dinner last night and it was a lovely evening (eventually... they ended up being an hour late, for reasons beyond their control, but better late than not at all). I cleaned up and did a few things after they left and got to bed around midnight... at which point I realised that my mildly annoying sore throat had become a raging sore throat and was now coupled with sinus pain, a headache and a snuffly nose.

After several hours of tossing and turning and unsettled dozing I decided to ring work this morning and tell them I'm sick and can't come in. (I also woke up with chest pain, although that seems to have gone now and was probably just congestion.) Anyway, I don't think my supervisor was impressed with me at all. I've only been there about 6 weeks so I suppose she's wondering if this is likely to be a regular occurrence, but still... I can't help getting sick and I really don't want to be coughing and sneezing all over my customers and their groceries. I suppose if I keep getting crappy shifts - or no shifts - I'll be able to work out whether or not she was annoyed with me!

And in other news:
I am having some trouble settling in to research mode in my reading for uni. I have a whole lot of little assessments due this year, as well as the thesis, and there are no real deadlines so I don't have my head around them yet. I need to sit down, work out exactly what's due, create some deadlines for myself and then work out my topics. But not right now because I really need to go back to bed.

Pennies from heaven

Anyone who's ever been a student can tell you that worrying about money can become all-consuming after a while. The worry is almost always there, in varying degrees as the income/expenditure ratio ebbs and flows. For me, the expenditure side of the scale has been pretty heavy lately, what with moving house, paying rego and a few other things, so I've been wondering whether I should defer uni for a year in order to build up my savings a bit. I am not really keen to do that, however, and I can live on my current income, but it means I have to live pretty tight, and I can't buy a new computer for a while (and believe me, that's totally necessary - this machine is dying a painful death and I fear it will gasp out its last breath while I'm halfway through my thesis).

Anyway, last week I was around visiting a couple from church. When I walked in, the wife-half of this couple said, "Hey, we have a friend who needs a cleaner and I thought of you - would you be interested?" A bit later on we were chatting about the cost of parking at uni (it's just gone up by a ridiculous amount) and she said, "It's half-hour parking outside our house, but we have visitor permits that allow you to park there all day when you display them on your dashboard. We'll tell you where we keep them and you can park here free every day." (They live three streets away from uni - an easy walk.) As if this were not enough, then my Dad rang on my mobile and said, "Your mother and I have been worried that your computer will break down completely halfway through this year, so we've decided to buy you a laptop. Pick the one you want and we'll send you the money." So in one evening I gained $35/week in cleaning, saved $20/week in parking and got a new computer! I couldn't believe it - I kept thinking, "Wow - maybe I should buy a lottery ticket now!" Somehow, though, I think God might have drawn the line there...

An unusual event...

People who read this blog regularly will be amazed to realise that I've managed to go a whole week without adding a complaint or a whine... and this entry will be no exception, because I've had a great week and a good day today.

I can't remember if I mentioned this before, but I applied for a part time checkout chick job a week or so ago, and found out on Friday that I was successful, and start in January. Obviously not my ideal job but perfect for a student - this store prefers to put people on as part-time staff, not casual, so I'll get regular hours and be able to accrue holiday pay. I think I'll be casual for a little while, though.

Today I was invited out for lunch by the same family who took me out last week, plus another member of their family. It was fun and relaxed... and just nice to have some social time with people. I've missed that so much.

Finally - or perhaps, primarily - partly as the result of listening to a song, of all things,* which really spoke to my 'behind-thinks' (to paraphrase a character in John Wyndham's The Chrysalids), I realised this week that I don't have a heart of stone and I do, in fact, long for heaven just a little bit. This may not sound like a big deal, but for about 5 years I have wanted nothing to do with God (despite behaving like Super-Christian); in fact I have been seriously angry with him, for a number of reasons. Long story which I won't go into here... but anyway, God has healed me of that in a way that I can only call miraculous. I keep wanting to walk up to strangers and say, "Hey, guess what? I like God!" I feel like a new person... although I guess I've just been reminded that I am already a new person, and should be living like one. Praise God!

* (I say, "a song, of all things" because it is totally outside my experience to be so affected by a song - even a Christian song - that it would cause me to change the way I think and behave. I like music, obviously... but this was different - which shows that even ordinary things can be life changing when God wants to use them.)

Euwww!!

My boss moved a bookcase this morning and found a dead rat behind it. Actually, judging by the smell, it was probably more like half a rat - decomposition was well underway. We knew there was one somewhere but hadn't been able to find it... I'm glad he did, but still... yuck. I left the building for five minutes while he dealt with it - there are advantages to girliness, sometimes!

!!!

I got the job - calloo callay!! I start tomorrow and shall be working 15 hours per week, usually on Wednesdays and Fridays although it's flexible if I have exams or assignments or whatever. Given that I've been looking for a job since last October, I'm pretty happy. The pay is $15ph which isn't huge but is about average for a casual job (and certainly enough to make a big difference to me). He wants someone who will be around for a couple of years so if I do post-grad it will be perfect for me. If I want to go to the bathroom or make a cup of tea I have to put on a safety vest and wend my way between forklift trucks, so that should add some excitement to my days...

Like-mindedness

I applied for a job on the weekend (admin, two days per week). The advertiser said he required someone with anal retentive qualities - I thought, "this is perfect for me!" His application included several questions to be answered, one of which was, "Describe how you arrange your cutlery drawer at home." (Actually he wrote 'draw' but I tried not to get too stressed about that...) That question made my housemate decide the job is perfect for me - or I'm perfect for the job - because the way I tidy the cutlery drawer drives her nuts.

I answered all the questions and included some extra information, like the fact that my books, CDs and DVDs are in alphabetical order, with the DVDs catalogued on a spreadsheet. The guy wrote back and said my admission about cataloguing my DVDs puts me at the head of the queue! Now I'm just waiting for him to confirm when he wants to interview me. I do so hope I get the job... and I hope that our anal retentiveness is similar and not in opposition.

And in other news... I went to a new church on Sunday morning. Not my usual denomination but I didn't pick up any heresy - not that I expected it. Time will tell whether it's where I want to stay. A couple of people were friendly but they usually are friendly on the first visit... the test is whether they're still friendly in 3 months. Anyway for the moment I think I'll go to this church in the morning and my 'regular' church in the evening and work out where I want to stay.