Grant application

In 2007 I started an Honours year at uni - which I ended up having to defer indefinitely due to some health issues, but I might get back to it eventually. While I was still there I was struggling financially to the point where I thought I'd have to drop out for a while and find a full time job. My supervisor encouraged me to apply for an Equity Scholarship. This was a $2,000 one-off payment to people who could demonstrate that their current situation was having a detrimental effect on their ability to study. I had to fill in an application form and explain my current circumstances (basically a begging letter). I filled in a proper application but I also wrote the following and forwarded it to my supervisor ask if she thought it would be suitable...

Poverty can be a cow
I'm sure you understand
But it seems you're getting sick
Of students holding out their hand

I know you need good reasons
For handing out the dough
Well, you'll want to give me money
When you hear this tale of woe

I always do my homework
Except for when I'm slack
But it's hard to sit and type
With this sore and twisted back

I can dimly see the teacher
So my eyesight seems okay
I think I need new glasses
But I don't know how I'll pay

My hearing's causing problems
I can't hear people speak
Lip reading's proving handy
But it doesn't help in Greek

I don't want you to worry
If I don't appear one day
I can't get out of bed
But the doc says I'm okay

I went to do some shopping
But my car broke down again
I tried to write a cheque
But I couldn't find a pen

My shoes are torn and tattered
And my clothes are wearing thin
Though I found a nice warm jacket
While rifling through the bin

My kitchen cupboard's looking bare
With neither jar nor box
I really need some money
Or I'll have to eat my socks

I have a limp, a leer, a squint
My hair falls out in clumps
The doctor checked my heartbeat
And said it rattles, skips and jumps

A scholarship would help me
It couldn't make things worse
And it will save you from the pain
Of this dodgy rhyming verse

I didn't send the poem but I did get the scholarship, as well as a $3,000 merit scholarship - to which, frankly, I wasn't really entitled. My marks were very good but they need to be exceptional for that scholarship. My wonderfully supportive supervisor had a hand in that although she wouldn't admit to it.

I still wonder what would have happened if I'd submitted the poem...
.