A-Z of hideous murders

Lately I've been having some issues with a particular person. It's not really appropriate to say more here, but I'll just say that it's been causing me a fair amount of anxiety, as well as sleeplessness. I caught up with some friends today and talked about many things. One friend mentioned a technique she uses when anxiety doesn't allow her to sleep - she picks a subject (say, fruit/veges) and tries to find an example for every letter of the alphabet.

D... ummm... well, you get the idea.

This seemed reasonable. I thought about it for a bit, then said, "That's good, but instead of fruit I think I might imagine 26 different ways to kill the person with whom I have the problem..." Much hilarity ensued as we tried to come up with imaginative methods of murder. It was fun and great stress relief.

Feel free to add your own ideas in the comments section.

Crushed by a boulder
Elephant stampede
Gas leak
Hydrochloric acid
Igloo collapse (in case this person tries to hide out in Antarctica)
Impaled on a Kite
Lion attack
Drowning in chocolate Mousse (well, any flavour would do)
Nail gun
Orbital sander
Paintball attack gone horribly wrong
Choking to death on Quail
Thrown into the Rapids of a River (ooh, double points)
Hit by a falling Tree
Pushed into a Vegan restaurant with steak strapped to their body
Thrown over a Waterfall
Multiple X-rays without the lead apron (well, sure, this one would take a while)
Yachting accident
Some terrible incident involving a Zipper. Or a Zebra. I'm flexible.

Disclaimer: I do NOT, under any circumstances, condone murder... nor throwing people to the mercy of angry vegans, for that matter.


Swift Jan said...

HAHAHAHA LOve it!! I hope that list made you feel better xxx

Givinya De Elba said...

Aaaahhhh... the ole Death By ZIPPER trick.

Hmm. That Particular Person causing you grief must be male.

Hippomanic Jen said...

LOL at Givinya! Love the list, hope it did the trick (stress relief if not actual sleep).

Manda said...


While kite impalation is very effective, why not keep the mystery alive with "Killed"?

And for Y, you could always use the perilous "Death by Yawning Too Widely".

Crazy Sister said...

My husband and I are masters of the alphabet game, but we've never had this theme. What an excellent idea...

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