I'm not here. Truly.

I know, I know, I said I was disappearing until the end of November... and yet here I am. Addicted? No way! Just enthusiastic. Yeah, that's it... enthusiastic.

I am, for those interested, nowhere near 50,000 words. I'm at about 17,000 now and with just over a week to go there's no way I'll reach the 50K goal. However, that's okay. I decided a while ago to forget the word goal and concentrate on the words themselves. That goes entirely against the spirit of NaNoWriMo but I don't care, because I've made some great discoveries. In the process of putting parts of my story together I am finding links I had never seen before. I'm developing an understanding of some things and starting to see the inherent sadness of other things. The entire process has been incredibly valuable, more than I ever anticipated, and that is worth a great deal more than the satisfaction of reaching a word goal.

The flipside of this, however, is that a whole lot of stuff is being churned up and I don't necessarily have the capacity to deal with it all at once. Of course I don't have to deal everything at the same time, but a lot of it is out there now and it's hard to unring a bell, you know? So I'm continuing to take things slowly... I'm still a hermit, I'm still minimising my online activity and I'm taking lots of breaks from writing when I think my body and mind need it. If I were listening to my counsellor I'd also be shunning junk food, eating more vegetables and doing plenty of exercise, but hey, one can't have everything. (Although... if I HAD listened to her advice about self-care then I might not have had those midnight anxiety attacks either so perhaps there's something in what she says...)

So this is where I'm at. And hey, who's sick to death of the interminable updates about Femina's mental health and counselling sessions? Yeah, me too... but like I said, this is where I'm at...


Givinya De Elba said...

Hey - it's where you're at! Each blog I visit, I visit for the particular cotent the writer is giving me. I go to my sister's blog for crazy antics, to Hippomanic Jen for deep thoughts and I come here to see how you're doing.


Swift Jan said...

I'm with Givinya!

I'm glad the writing process is working out so worthwhile. That is really great... You are such a strong woman :)

Hippomanic Jen said...

It is good to hear how you're going. And there's a reason why they call emotional work "work". It's hard. and amorphous at times. Take the time you need to recover and I'm glad you're not hung up on the word count (although I still reckon you should simply cut and paste what you've already written a couple of times and then you'd be there).

And I love that Givinya comes to me to get deep thoughts, and then reads about sweat circles under my arms.

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