Tree-hugging hippy

It seems I am slowly, but surely, turning into a tree-hugging hippy. This in itself is curious for someone who doesn't really like the great outdoors all that much but apparently I am a woman of contradictions. Hey, I like to keep people on their toes.

Recently I've been looking into home made cleaning products. This appeals to me partly because of my cheapskate gene but also because I would like to reduce the amount of chemicals with which I surround myself daily (without having to give up dyeing my hair...) I trawled around the web for a while and finally found this recipe for washing powder - and the whole blog is great so it's now on my blogroll to the right there. I made the heavy duty version, minus the borax which I couldn't find in the supermarket.  I've just finished my third load of washing and so far it seems to be working fine. My slighty-yellowed-with-age white sheets are still slightly yellow but the white bits are as white as ever.  I only wash in cold water so I'll have to add a bit of vinegar to the fabric softener compartment occasionally but I'm sure I can manage that.

And somehow this makes me feel a whole lot better about the fact that most of my veges didn't survive the first Spring heatwave...
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Give us this day...

Breadmaker: $17.99 in an op shop six months ago. It's paid for itself 10 times over. Score.

On a similar note...

The squeamish should probably stop reading now, because I'm continuing on the menstrual theme. I've had some questions recently about my menstrual cup and as I'm always delighted to sing the praises of my fabulous cup I'm answering the questions by subjecting my blog readers to an entire post of icky, squirmy girly stuff. (Except, of course, it's not icky... which is the point of the thing.)

Uhh, so what is this cup thing?
A menstrual cup is a small, inverted-bell shaped cup, usually made of medical-grade soft silicone. There are a number of different types available now and they all look like a variation of this:

Okay, cute. What's it for and how do you use it?
It's essentially a tampon alternative. You fold it, insert it in your vagina and let it unfold. It forms a seal against the vaginal walls below your cervix and then sits there catching blood and menstrual fluid. Kind of like the picture below, except that most women don't have 500 metres between the cup and their cervix like in the diagram... and so far as I know my uterus is not green.

Seems a little gross. What happens when it's full?
When it's full, or before it's full, you go to the bathroom, squeeze the bottom of the cup to break the seal, remove it, dump the contents in the toilet, wash the cup if you want and then reinsert it. Some people are fanatical about scrubbing and sterilising the cup every time (not that you can actually 'sterilise' anything without, you know, an autoclave...), some just rinse it, some... like me... just give it a good clean at the end of their cycle.

Doesn't it leak everywhere?
Sometimes it can leak a little bit before you get the hang of using it and find exactly the best positioning for you. It's different for everyone and it can take a couple of cycles to fully work out what's best for your body. Mine has never leaked but I know it's happened to others. Also, if it completely fills up the seal will break, which will cause some overflow. Once you work out how long it take your body to fill it then there is usually no problem.

Is it uncomfortable?
I have never been able to feel it... to the point where I've sometimes forgotten it was even there.

Alright, but what's so great about it?
Well, women like them for different reasons but here are the top points for me.

1. It's better for your body than tampons. Tampons are designed to absorb any fluid in the general area, which means that in addition to catching blood they also absorb the natural self-cleaning lubrication that your body needs. They dry out everything, they can leave minute fibres behind and those fibres can scratch the vaginal walls... and that's what can cause Toxic Shock Syndome. Cups don't absorb anything; they just catch menstrual fluid and there are no nasty little cotton fibres to be left behind. Of course it's always wise to be careful and wash your hands, but to date there is not a single recorded case of TSS linked with cup use.

2. They last about 2-3 times longer than tampons between toilet trips. On my heaviest days a tampon would last me maybe 2 hours. On my very heaviest days now it takes about 4-6 hours for me to fill my cup. Women with a lighter flow can go 12 hours or more.

3. I haven't had to buy anything from the 'feminine hygeine' aisle for years, nor do I have to worry about running out of products at an inconvenient time. I forked out about $60 for my cup roughly 4 years ago and it's likely still to be going strong in another 6 years or so. You do the maths on that.

4. I'm not contributing to landfill. In the US it is estimated that there are 12 billion pads and 7 million tampon being thrown out and going to landfill EVERY YEAR. Obviously those numbers are smaller for Australia, but still the average woman is likely to use this amount of disposable products (pads and/or tampons) over ten years:

Multiply that by... well, a lot of women... and you have a lot of money and a lot of waste in landfill.

Well, I'm still grossed out but I might do some investigation. Where should I look?
Start by Googling 'menstrual cups'. I use the Mooncup (although I chopped off the stem because it was useless and uncomfortable) but there are many different kinds available now so do your own research. They even come in different colours! The only bad news here is that they're not available in shops in Australia so you WILL have to buy them online if you want one. Because it's an internally worn product and it's medical grade silicone the TGA wants to classify it as a medical product so they're still not allowing any businesses to import them yet. Sigh.

For those who haven't run off screaming, thank you for allowing me to rave about my cup - which is the best purchase I've ever made in my life - and I hope I covered all the questions people have had for me recently.

Returning you to your normal programming now...
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A small rant

Technically I'm back online but I'm still writing furiously so I'm remaining in semi-hibernation, but MAN... I had to blog about this.

This morning I drove past the church near me with the appallingly bad signs out the front. Today's offering was short: "Live your truth". Not 'live the truth' but 'live YOUR truth'. May I just say one small thing? It's this... AAARRRGGGHHHH!!! Get a dictionary - there's no such thing as YOUR truth and MY truth; there is just truth. TRUTH IS NOT RELATIVE!!

Thank you. That is all.
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In which Femina disappears...

...just for a fortnight.

It's been a big few weeks, and I think NaNoWriMo is taking its toll. It's been great in some ways... I'm loving forcing myself to write even when I don't feel like it and I like having a goal (although I am about 10,000 words behind where I should be by this stage) but it's been very intense and emotionally draining. Partly that's because I'm writing about a lot of things that I normally take one at a time - I'm talking about abuses that happened when I was growing up and how I felt about myself at the time; I'm reliving early counselling sessions with a counsellor who harmed more than she helped; I'm writing about depression and anxiety; and I'm talking about things I've learned and ways I've grown. It's all really great stuff but in order to get this material I'm reading old journal entries, emails and other things I've written over time. Reading the things I wrote when I was depressed made me very sad, and reading various emails I've written to my counsellor when I was in the middle of a dark place was not easy. Reading any journal entry I wrote when I was seeing my previous counsellor makes me sad and angry at the same time.

In addition to this fun-and-therapuetic-but-really-rather-draining writing I've also had a big couple of weeks. My new boss started two weeks ago and he's great - I think he'll be an excellent thing for the church and an excellent thing for us as a staff team - but we're all getting used to working together and that takes time, effort and energy. So far we're all working together well and I feel confident that will continue, but he's only just met us and we've only just met him. We're all still trying to get to know each other and to work out how we work best together. That's exhausting.

And to add one more thing to my already overflowing brain, I've just had a week where I was out every single night for one thing or another and to be blunt, I'm stuffed. Some of them were great things (including a fantastic birthday board-games-and-Indian-takeaway night last night) but still it takes its toll... and there's no respite yet because we have a women's ministry event coming up this Saturday and I'm one of the key people organising it. Yeah, well, it seemed like a good idea at the time...

Anyway, so this has all been a very long-winded way of saying that I'm going to be disappearing until the end of November. In truth I'll probably still read some blogs and I'll still be contactable on email for those who have my address but my intention (as in, those things with which the road to hell is paved) is to stick the phone on answering machine, refuse all social invitations unless it's a wedding or something, and stay off my computer as much as possible. Not sure how that's going to go since I may be a little bit addicted to Facebook but even halving my 'connectedness' will be a good start.

I need some quietness and contemplation and space. You'd think I already have that, since I live alone, but it's not the same thing. I need to retreat for a bit and live without a constant (self-inflicted) barrage of pictures and messages and sights and sounds and noise.

I may crack in three days, but I reckon it's worth a try. See you in a couple of weeks... and PLEASE remember to contact me if anything really juicy happens!
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It all makes sense now

This morning: 
Large hot chocolate and a raspberry/white chocolate muffin.

Lunchtime:
A bowl of hot chips with tomato sauce.

This afternoon:
Five 'fun size' Milky Way bars.

This evening:
My period started.

Ah. Mystery solved.
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Just a whinge

Yesterday at church I was approached by someone who doesn't normally speak with me. I don't mean he ignores me, it's just that I'm at a big church and there are many people I don't get to see, and that's fine. This particular person is someone with whom I've had contact in the past so I thought it was nice that he came up for a chat. After a few minutes of chit chat and asking me how I am etc he said, "By the way, we have [an event] coming up and I really need people to help with the set up and cleaning up after it. I don't want to ask anyone with a family because they are too busy so I thought you could help."

Okay, this drives me wild for two reasons. Firstly, I hate being treated like I don't exist until someone wants something. It's downright insulting. Secondly, I resent the implication that single people and/or people without children are always available to drop everything and help with every event that comes up. This is NOT to say that people with kids aren't busy; what makes me angry is the belief that the rest of us have no life and no commitments.

So here's a tip I'll give you for nothing - if you ONLY speak to me when you want something, and treat me like I'm invisible the rest of the time, it's very unlikely I'll be inclined to help you. Further, don't make assumptions about my social life and other commitments. Given that you haven't bothered to give me the time of day up until now there's a very good chance that you know exactly nothing about my life.
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Today

Two loads of washing.
Dyed my hair (and missed a spot... damn it...)
Two chicken pies.
One tuna casserole.
Two loaves of banana bread.
One batch of roast pumpkin and feta risotto.
One batch of bolognese sauce.
Knitting.
Part of an editing job.
Facebook.
Playing with cat.

Oh yeah.
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Bliss

Is there anything better on a cold night than a shower so hot that after a while you idly wonder if that feeling in your shoulders is actually your skin starting to blister? Okay, there are probably many things better than that but right now I can't think of any. Ahhhhhh..... felt so good....

And conversely...

Is there anything worse than dragging yourself out of bed on your day off - after a rather late night and when it's cold and rainy - to go to a counselling session only to find that your counsellor forgot to tell you that she needed to cancel today's session because she was out at a seminar? I drove up and thought, "No cars in the driveway. That's odd. Maybe her car is in for repairs... oh look, the blinds in the house are shut... and all the lights are off... hmmm..." I rang the doorbell in vain; there was no one home. A few text messages later and the mix-up was revealed - and my counsellor rang this afternoon to apologise 200 or so times and ask if I wanted to reschedule, so it's all good.

I wasn't upset and thought it was kind of funny but I still think I should be able to get some great mileage out of it with my counsellor. Mileage, and maybe chocolate. My appointment was changed to tomorrow night, so that gives me all day tomorrow to build a great story about how abandoned I felt and how much this has hindered the healing process. Ooh, and I'll mention trust; that's sure to be worth a Freddo or two.

Awesome. Off I go to Google "how to cry on cue"...

Edit: My lovely, generous counsellor - who, coincidentally, might just be reading this... because I might have promised I would clear her name after slandering her on my blog :-) - gave me a giant-sized Caramello Koala tonight. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I emailled her and just "happened" to mention that I like Caramellos.

So, to a certain sometimes forgetful but otherwise great counsellor - I don't use names on this blog but you know who you are :

THANK YOU!

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How will they remember me?

A couple of weeks ago a friend's wife died of breast cancer. I didn't attend her funeral but her husband posted on their blog the eulogy he delivered at the funeral. For privacy reasons I won't link to it, but let me assure you it was a great eulogy. The word 'eulogy' is derived from two ancient Greek words meaning "good words" and this eulogy was exactly that. It was warm and funny and sad and joyful all at the same time. Obviously a eulogy can only go for so long so you are forced to choose which memories to share and which character traits to highlight in honouring the person you loved. This has led me to wonder what things people would say if they had to choose a few things that sum up who I have been... and I wonder if these are the same things that I would choose?

I feel quite sure that someone would mention my fanaticism about correct grammar and punctuation. I would like them to talk about my faith in Jesus and my love for God and his people. Apart from those things, what is it that people notice? What is it that defines me?

Much of my life and energy at the moment is directed towards healing from abuse and trauma; and a large part of the process is about learning who I am. I endured many years of harmful words and actions that are part of the reason I have developed a view of myself that is both unhealthy and inaccurate. I know there is a "real me" and I get glimpses of her sometimes but for a lot of the time I am influenced by fear, doubt and confusion.

It won't always be this way, but for right now I think it would be fair to say that other people know me better than I know myself. Other people see things in me that I simply don't see, even when the evidence is right in front of me. The truth is there but my view of it is sketchy at best, and even when I see the truth I often don't believe it.

If it weren't for the fact that it's a bit macabre I would ask a few good friends to write my eulogy for me now, while I'm still alive. It's not a vanity exercise; I really want to know what it is that other people see - what is THEIR truth and how does it differ from MY truth? Actually I don't believe that truth is relative, so perhaps I should ask what is their perception and how does it differ from mine? And of the two, which one is the truth?

Hmmmm. It would be an interesting exercise.

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The Geek Inside

Today I took myself out for a coffee after church and sat reading The Body Remembers, the book I mentioned in a previous post. It's a book written for therapists and it's rather technical and detailed in parts so I was concentrating quite hard whilst reading it. Here's how my thoughts ran today:

"Hmmm... well that's interesting... yes, I can see that.... gosh, I hadn't realised that before... oh dear, I don't think I would have used a semi-colon there... yes, this part definitely relates to me..."

That's right. In the middle of reading something that's helping me to learn what's going on in the deepest parts of me I still managed to notice a questionable semi-colon.

Yep. Not sure whether to laugh or cry now...
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What shall I do today?

I have a confession... I'm a sucker for stationery. (Shut up - it's NOT an addiction! I can stop any time I want!) Ahem. Anyway, yesterday I spent the day catching up with a friend who was visiting from Sydney. It was a great day; she's a very dear friend and I haven't seen her in a long time. So, we did what any long-time friends would do... we shopped! I was, of course, unable to go past one of my favourite stores, Kikki.K. Oh, it's a treasure trove of things that I'm sure I need. No, really. It's like Ikea but with only stationery. God bless the Swedes.

Do I sound more organised as I'm typing this? I should - here's what I bought:

It's a bit hard to see, but it's a weekly planner 60-page notepad with 'to do' and 'to buy' sections on the side, plus a section to jot things down for next week. And then, still not feeling quite organised enough, I bought this:

It's a meal planner, which is great for me because although I'm not feeding anyone else and therefore could in theory just do whatever I like, I like to plan my meals in advance because it helps me budget and it stops me grazing on chips while I'm trying to decide what to eat.

Because I am both a stationery nerd and an organisation junkie, I am delighted with these purchases. I've even crossed two things off today's list. Clean litter tray - tick. Go to gym - tick. (Write blog post about my geekiness - tick...)
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Roller coaster

Do you ever have a day or two where so many different things happen, and they're so intensely emotional - but all different emotions - that you hardly know whether you're coming or going? Let me fill you in on the ups and downs of my personal little emotional roller coaster this week.

Friday - UP
I chatted with my counsellor and agreed that it was time to get back into some issues that had been put on hold for me whilst I was dealing with some stuff at work. This included some journal entries that I'd sent but we hadn't talked about yet. I was keen to dive into it all again and looked forward to my session on Tuesday.

Sunday - UP
I returned to church after a three month absence (long story but I wasn't in a good place and needed a break). It was great to be back.

Monday - DOWN
I have been reading a book called The Body Remembers by Babette Rothschild. Although written for therapists, and thus highly technical, it's been very helpful. On Monday I started reading the chapter on flashbacks... and almost instantly had a massive anxiety attack as I remembered some flashbacks I had had more than a year ago. It was like a flashback of a flashback, which I didn't even know was possible. It is, and it freaked me out.

Tuesday - DOWN
My counselling session was first thing in the morning and I talked about my reaction the day before. In order to explain why a 'flashback of a flashback' is indeed possible my counsellor started to tell me a story about someone becoming anxious about being anxious. The more she said the word 'anxious' the more MY anxiety level increased, until I had to ask her to stop because I thought I was going to pass out. Yeah, it was intense. After a break and some breathing exercises I felt a bit calmer and we agreed to put this aside for the moment and talk about something more innocuous and less stressful. That helped but I remained shaken by the experience for the whole day.

Tuesday - UP
After my session in the morning I met with my prayer triplet. It was both comforting and refreshing.

Tuesday - UP
I went for a two hour walk in an effort to reduce my adrenaline levels which were still high after my episode of anxiety in the morning. It was good and helped to stop some of my anxiety symptoms.

Tuesday night - DOWN
I received the news that my friend's wife had died that morning, after being diagnosed with breast cancer ten months ago. She was 40; and leaves behind her husband and two young boys.

Tuesday night - UP
After a day of suffering the effects of the morning's anxiety and feeling increasingly afraid of going back to counselling next week and having the same thing happen, I finally reached the point where I decided enough is enough. I reached for my journal and wrote the following:

After writing that I felt a lot better and far more in control. I think something vital has just clicked in my brain...

Wednesday - UP
Givinya's baby was born!

So it's been an interesting few days. Up and down and round in circles.... I'm feeling a little tired now, to be honest! Here's hoping the rest of the week is boring and dull...
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Just litter, kids. It's safer.

About three weeks ago a self-entitled, rich cow woman who occasionally parks in my work car park backed into my car and totally crumpled my right front fender. She had the hide to look down from her BMW at my little Corolla and ask, "Which bit did I do?" was at fault so her insurance covered it, but it's still been horribly inconvenient to be without a car for nine days, not to mention expensive to travel on public transport (yes, even with current petrol prices). Needless to say I was delighted today to hear that my car was finally ready to be picked up. I had to use my insurer's repairer, which is in Port Melbourne. Tricky in peak hour but hey... getting my car back!

Picking up my car required leaving work early, dashing down to the station to get a train into the city, pounding up the road to the bus stop only to find I'd missed the connecting bus and had to wait 25 minutes, a 9 minute bus ride after the 25 minute wait, and then a 5 minute walk down the road to the repairer. All up, one and a half hours. It was all going fairly well and by the time I got to the bus ride part I was congratulating myself on the fact that I'd make it to the repairer 10 minutes before closing time... AND on the fact that I'd found the right bus and knew where to disembark, being in an area unfamiliar to me. A few minutes later I saw my stop approaching and pressed the "please, Mr Bus Driver, let me off at the next stop" button. So far, so good. Mr Bus Driver, however, having only two passengers on board and a good run on the road, had been in The Zone and travelling a leetle too fast, so he hit the brakes with rather more force than usual. This caused my bag, which was on the floor, to tip over, whereupon my apple fell out and skidded to the front of the bus. The bus doors opened... that is, one of the bus doors opened. The other door stuck because there was an apple jammed under it.

I'm pretty civic minded. I don't litter; when I have gum I throw it in the bin; I sort my recycling; I give up my bus seat to those who look like they need it more than me. So, naturally, although I now had no intention of eating that apple I bent down to pull it out from under the partially opened door. Just as I did that the door became unstuck on its own and smacked me in the head. HARD. Really hard - there was an audible 'thwack'.

I staggered off the bus (leaving the apple behind) and proceeded towards my destination, mindful that I had only ten minutes to get to the repairer. Two minutes down the road I thought, "Boy, my head hurts." Yeah, well that would be because I'm now sporting a large red-and-purple lump at my hairline. Owwww. And of course ten minutes later I was stuck in peak hour with a throbbing head and a growing realisation that I might actually have concussion. I wouldn't say I'm one to panic, but I did spend part of the trip home reminding myself of the day, the date, the current Prime Minister, and how to count backwards from 100 by sevens. Also checked my pupils when I got home (contracting and dilating nicely, thank you). I was fine.

Next time, though, I'll leave the darn apple right where it lands.
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Well THIS looked like a fun game.

I left the zipper on my knitting bag open just a tiny bit - before going out for an hour...

Dear Givinya...

...are you calling me a liar?? Kidding! See? Smiley face! :) But because you wanted proof...

Firstly, to show that it's just a normal fridge/freezer:

And here's the inside:

Same, but with things moved around to show the containers:

Remember, when I say I have three serves of soup, I'm talking about three serves for one person, for one meal. I could eat out of my freezer for a month. You (and your family) could only eat out of it for a week.

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The Great Freezer Challenge Part 2

Okay, I've just done a freezer inventory and I am never NEVER again allowed to complain that I have no food. NEVER. Here's what I found:

Pre-cooked meals:
Macaroni with bacon & spinach
Burrito meat x 3
Beef and lentils
Vege/lentil soup x 4
Curried sweet potato and carrot soup x 2
Pumpkin soup
Beef and rice
Pasta with red sauce
Spaghetti sauce/mince x 2

Meat:
Crumbed cutlets x 8
Sausages x 4
Steak
Crumbed fish x 6

Veges:
Mixed frozen veges (individual serves) x 3
Peas/corn/carrots x 1 bag
Frozen roast potatoes and hash browns x 1 bag each (I'm pretty sure those particular purchases were hormonally driven!)

Other:
Loaf of bread
Puff pastry
Crumpets
1/4 of an apple cake (YAY! That was a nice surprise.)
3 bananas (for banana bread)

Cat food:
Chicken necks x 3
Minced chicken frame x 4 serves

I'm ashamed to say I had no idea most of this was even there. And we're not talking about a chest freezer here - this is just the top bit of my fridge. Forget the fortnight... I think I could do the Freezer Challenge for the next month and not even have to cook anything at all for the first three weeks.

Hmmm... what to have for dinner tomorrow?
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The Great Freezer Challenge

This morning I tried to put a loaf of bread in my freezer. I couldn't do it because the freezer is full.  I'm surprised it's full because it seems I'm always buying groceries and I never seem to know what to eat or cook for dinner - and yet here I am, with a freezer full of pre-cooked (by me) meals as well as meat and frozen fish. There are even some frozen veges for when I'm feeling lazy (which is often).  How it this possible when I keep saying I need to go shopping because I don't have any food in the house?

This discovery of food in my freezer happily coincides with my decision to get super-tough with my budget. I write budgets. I write them a lot. They are detailed and reasonable and will help me to pay off my debts some time before I die. I write them but I tend not to follow them.  I don't know about anyone else but I'm finding that this method isn't really working for me on the debt-reduction front.

So, with these two things in mind, here's my challenge.  I'm going to spend the next fortnight eating ONLY things that are already in my house - for every meal, not just dinner. I have a full freezer, a full pantry and a semi-bare fridge, although there are carrots, cheese, pumpkin, eggs (but only two so this may be a problem) and even some cream cheese. I remember buying the cream cheese a week ago but I can't remember what I was going to make with it.  Hopefully I'll remember - or come up with another idea - before it turns green...

I love a challenge and I'm quite looking forward to this one. To be honest I could probably go for longer than a fortnight but I would like to eat fresh fruit again at some point (I ate the last two pieces this morning) so I'll stick with two weeks and see how it goes. My only concession to this is that I will need to buy cat food some time during the next fortnight. I haven't tried her on it but I'm pretty certain that Sophie won't eat Weet-Bix when the kitty food runs out.

Wish me luck! (Anyone care to join me??)
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Bits and pieces

Various things that have passed across my mind and horizon this week...

*  Ducted heating is possibly the most wonderful thing ever invented. It's been COLD here. If I had a job where I could work from home I don't think I would have left my bed all week.  There was at least one night where I got into bed with a book, stuck my feet under my hot water bottle (with its fleecy cover), picked up my cup of tea and sighed happily... aaaahhhh. Wow - who knew I would turn into a little old lady so early?

*  Last night I cooked risotto for my home group (Bible study group). It was very delicious... but possibly less so after I threw in a large handful of shaved parmesan and then realised it was green. Euww! Thankfully the risotto was about porridge consistency so it was easy to scrape a layer off the top and remove it.

*  I've been watching Elizabeth I with Helen Mirren. She is sublime. Enough said.  I've also been re-watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Really, could they have found someone who looks less like a hobbit than Elijah Wood? He's far too pretty to be a hobbit.

*  My new (temporary) boss is lovely but doesn't know the meaning of the phrase 'personal space'. Unfortunately I hate having my personal space invaded without invitation, which means we do this little dance where my boss comes to speak with me, I back off because he's standing too close, he comes closer because I've moved away, I back off again, he comes closer, etc etc. I suppose it's good exercise, if nothing else.

*  Yesterday my cat took her toilet fetish one step further and stood on the unopened packet of toilet paper in order to stick her head and paws right inside the bowl. As I watched her leaning in with her head directly under the bit where the water is released into the bowl I have to confess it took all my willpower not to press the flush button. (I promise that if I do succumb to the temptation I shall wait until I have my camera handy...)

*  The new Star Trek film was immensely satisfying, but I realised the extent of my geekness when the camera panned across the prow of the Enterprise and I smiled in delight to see 'NCC-1701'. Hmmm... yeah. Geeks ahoy.

*  Shopping, shopping, shopping... this week I bought three pairs of jeans for $75. Total, not each. Fabulous.  I'm also going to a favourite wool shop on Saturday and then to Ikea on Tuesday. Be still, my beating heart.

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Come home, all is forgiven

Shoemaker's elves, where are you?