Hatred

I had a conversation recently about dealing with emotions etc, and specifically about dealing with hatred towards us - which is a topic that tends to crop up amongst Christians, what with the Bible saying the world will hate us and all... It led me to thinking, though, that in some ways indifference can be far more damaging than hatred. At least with hatred there's something to fight against, but how does one fight the nothingness of indifference? I don't know much about this, but I imagine that when people contemplate suicide it's often because they feel that no one cares, not because they feel hated. How do we stop people feeling unloved and unnoticed?

As a society we're conditioned to look after ourselves and to mind our own business... but maybe it's time we started minding other people's business too. We Christians are usually pretty good at being friendly at morning tea and caring during 'prayer point' time at Bible study, but a simple phone call during the week to say "how are you going?" can make a world of difference to people. Or an e-mail that says, "I'm thinking about you" instead of one that says, "I'm thinking about you... and I think you'd be the perfect person to go on the new roster"! They're only little things but I reckon they could be big things to someone who's feeling lonely and isolated.

Praise God - Jesus is risen!

Now there was a man named Joseph, a member of the Council, a good and upright man, who had not consented to their decision and action. He came from the Judean town of Arimathea and he was waiting for the kingdom of God. Going to Pilate, he asked for Jesus' body. Then he took it down, wrapped it in linen cloth and placed it in a tomb cut in the rock, one in which no one had yet been laid. It was Preparation Day, and the Sabbath was about to begin.

The women who had come with Jesus from Galilee followed Joseph and saw the tomb and how his body was laid in it. Then they went home and prepared spices and perfumes. But they rested on the Sabbath in obedience to the commandment.

On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, "Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: 'The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.' " Then they remembered his words.

When they came back from the tomb, they told all these things to the Eleven and to all the others. It was Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of James, and the others with them who told this to the apostles. But they did not believe the women, because their words seemed to them like nonsense. Peter, however, got up and ran to the tomb. Bending over, he saw the strips of linen lying by themselves, and he went away, wondering to himself what had happened.

Now that same day two of them were going to a village called Emmaus, about seven miles from Jerusalem. They were talking with each other about everything that had happened. As they talked and discussed these things with each other, Jesus himself came up and walked along with them; but they were kept from recognizing him.

He asked them, "What are you discussing together as you walk along?"

They stood still, their faces downcast. One of them, named Cleopas, asked him, "Are you only a visitor to Jerusalem and do not know the things that have happened there in these days?"

"What things?" he asked.

"About Jesus of Nazareth," they replied. "He was a prophet, powerful in word and deed before God and all the people. The chief priests and our rulers handed him over to be sentenced to death, and they crucified him; but we had hoped that he was the one who was going to redeem Israel. And what is more, it is the third day since all this took place. In addition, some of our women amazed us. They went to the tomb early this morning but didn't find his body. They came and told us that they had seen a vision of angels, who said he was alive. Then some of our companions went to the tomb and found it just as the women had said, but him they did not see."

He said to them, "How foolish you are, and how slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken! Did not the Christ have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?" And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning himself.

As they approached the village to which they were going, Jesus acted as if he were going farther. But they urged him strongly, "Stay with us, for it is nearly evening; the day is almost over." So he went in to stay with them.

When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them. Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight. They asked each other, "Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?"

They got up and returned at once to Jerusalem. There they found the Eleven and those with them, assembled together and saying, "It is true! The Lord has risen and has appeared to Simon." Then the two told what had happened on the way, and how Jesus was recognized by them when he broke the bread.

While they were still talking about this, Jesus himself stood among them and said to them, "Peace be with you."

They were startled and frightened, thinking they saw a ghost. He said to them, "Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds? Look at my hands and my feet. It is I myself! Touch me and see; a ghost does not have flesh and bones, as you see I have."

When he had said this, he showed them his hands and feet. And while they still did not believe it because of joy and amazement, he asked them, "Do you have anything here to eat?" They gave him a piece of broiled fish, and he took it and ate it in their presence.

He said to them, "This is what I told you while I was still with you: Everything must be fulfilled that is written about me in the Law of Moses, the Prophets and the Psalms."

Then he opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures. He told them, "This is what is written: The Christ will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day, and repentance and forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem. You are witnesses of these things. I am going to send you what my Father has promised; but stay in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high."

When he had led them out to the vicinity of Bethany, he lifted up his hands and blessed them. While he was blessing them, he left them and was taken up into heaven. Then they worshiped him and returned to Jerusalem with great joy. And they stayed continually at the temple, praising God.

(Luke 23 v 50 - 24 v 53)

Leviticus

Who would have thought I could learn something from Leviticus? Not me... but thankfully I have the help of Don Carson's For The Love of God devotional book to give me some pointers and some things to think about.

Last night's reading was Leviticus 5, which talks about various sacrifices to be made to atone for sin. It says that if a person can't afford a sacrificial lamb, they may sacrifice a pair of pigeons or a pair of doves, and if they can't afford that they can offer a certain amount of flour. What can I learn from this? Well, obviously I don't need to offer sacrifices for sin, but this chapter shows us something of God's character. By offering alternative sacrifices for the poor, he provides a way for everyone to be able to seek forgiveness for their sins. Forgiveness and atonement in the Old Testament are not just for the wealthy. This beautifully foreshadows the forgiveness we have in the death and resurrection of Jesus - it's not just for the wealthy or for those who appear 'good' and socially acceptable; it's for everyone... and you don't need lambs, doves or flour, because God has paid for it all.

Continued blessings

When I received the letters about the scholarships (a mere four days ago) I thought, "If I can just pick up two more cleaning jobs I'll be able to quit the checkout chick job and just do the cleaning." The way it works is, I get a student benefit from the government, but this reduces if I earn over a certain amount. So I was working at the supermarket, losing money from the government benefit and working two cleaning jobs to make up for what I was losing by working at the supermarket. By taking on extra cleaning jobs I'll end up with roughly the same in the hand but I'll be earning it in 8 hours per week instead of 20... and that was the real issue for me, because it felt like I was spending all my time working and was trying to fit uni in around it. Madness.

Anyway, in the last four days I have managed to pick up three more cleaning jobs, which means I actually have five, but two of them are fortnightly on alternate weeks so it's only four per week. I said to my housemate this morning, "I can't believe I said I need more cleaning jobs and they've just appeared almost instantly!" (To which he replied, "And you've been a Christian for how long??") So I quit my supermarket job today and am now chatting with all my cleanees to work out suitable days. I'd like to split them over two days because I'm not particularly keen on doing eight hours of cleaning on one day!

I was chatting with another friend today about the way I'm constantly surprised when God provides for me in this way (these "coincidences"). She said, "It just shows how broken we are, when we can't leave things in God's hands and are so surprised when he looks after us." Unfortunately, so true.

Relief

Praise God, I have just been awarded not one, but TWO scholarships! I'm not a millionaire now or anything, and I still need to work in order to do wild and crazy things like eat and pay the rent, but this gives me a lot more breathing space than I had previously, and has relieved some major pressures (which would probably explain why my first reaction was to burst into tears and cry for about 30 minutes... apparently I was a little more stressed about this than I'd realised.)

Is there a way of saying "God is great" without it sounding like "God is great because he gives me stuff"?? Nevertheless, God IS great, whether or not he gives me "stuff"... and he gave me Jesus, who is waaay better than any old scholarship! Well, anyway, no matter how it sounds the fact is I am very grateful to my loving, compassionate and gracious God who continues to provide for me.

Great evening; unpleasant end

I had some friends around to dinner last night and it was a lovely evening (eventually... they ended up being an hour late, for reasons beyond their control, but better late than not at all). I cleaned up and did a few things after they left and got to bed around midnight... at which point I realised that my mildly annoying sore throat had become a raging sore throat and was now coupled with sinus pain, a headache and a snuffly nose.

After several hours of tossing and turning and unsettled dozing I decided to ring work this morning and tell them I'm sick and can't come in. (I also woke up with chest pain, although that seems to have gone now and was probably just congestion.) Anyway, I don't think my supervisor was impressed with me at all. I've only been there about 6 weeks so I suppose she's wondering if this is likely to be a regular occurrence, but still... I can't help getting sick and I really don't want to be coughing and sneezing all over my customers and their groceries. I suppose if I keep getting crappy shifts - or no shifts - I'll be able to work out whether or not she was annoyed with me!

And in other news:
I am having some trouble settling in to research mode in my reading for uni. I have a whole lot of little assessments due this year, as well as the thesis, and there are no real deadlines so I don't have my head around them yet. I need to sit down, work out exactly what's due, create some deadlines for myself and then work out my topics. But not right now because I really need to go back to bed.

Celebrating the resurrection

With the approach of Easter, and because I've just read Luke 24, I've been pondering our attitude to the resurrection of Jesus. I think it's generally agreed that Christians see it as a good thing, obviously, but we seem to deal with it in a very sombre and reverent manner. I'm not suggesting we need to be irreverent, but need we be so sombre? Look at the reactions recorded in the Bible:

"And they departed quickly from the tomb with fear and great joy and ran to tell the disciples." (Matthew 28 v 8)

"They said to each other, 'Did not our hearts burn within us while to talked to us on the road, while he opened to us the Scriptures?'...

And while they still disbelieved for joy and were marveling....

And they worshipped him and returned to Jerusalem with great joy, and were continually in the temple praising God." (Luke 24 vv 32, 41, 52-53)

In John's account, Peter and another disciple run to the tomb when they hear Jesus has risen from the dead, and later Peter leaps off his fishing boat and swims ashore when he realises the man on the shore is Jesus.

The resurrection should make us marvel at God's power and at his awesome, amazing, wonderful forgiveness - but shouldn't we also have the reaction of those who knew Jesus in the flesh? The common theme there seems to be great joy. I don't think that treating the resurrection as a celebration in any way detracts from the point of the resurrection. Rather, I think the fact that the resurrection brings us eternal life with God should make it doubly joyous - Jesus' horrible, painful death was not the end for him and therefore not the end for us.

I don't really know what 'celebrating the resurrection' looks like in practical terms; I just think it would be nice to see a few more smiles when we talk about it.

Pennies from heaven

Anyone who's ever been a student can tell you that worrying about money can become all-consuming after a while. The worry is almost always there, in varying degrees as the income/expenditure ratio ebbs and flows. For me, the expenditure side of the scale has been pretty heavy lately, what with moving house, paying rego and a few other things, so I've been wondering whether I should defer uni for a year in order to build up my savings a bit. I am not really keen to do that, however, and I can live on my current income, but it means I have to live pretty tight, and I can't buy a new computer for a while (and believe me, that's totally necessary - this machine is dying a painful death and I fear it will gasp out its last breath while I'm halfway through my thesis).

Anyway, last week I was around visiting a couple from church. When I walked in, the wife-half of this couple said, "Hey, we have a friend who needs a cleaner and I thought of you - would you be interested?" A bit later on we were chatting about the cost of parking at uni (it's just gone up by a ridiculous amount) and she said, "It's half-hour parking outside our house, but we have visitor permits that allow you to park there all day when you display them on your dashboard. We'll tell you where we keep them and you can park here free every day." (They live three streets away from uni - an easy walk.) As if this were not enough, then my Dad rang on my mobile and said, "Your mother and I have been worried that your computer will break down completely halfway through this year, so we've decided to buy you a laptop. Pick the one you want and we'll send you the money." So in one evening I gained $35/week in cleaning, saved $20/week in parking and got a new computer! I couldn't believe it - I kept thinking, "Wow - maybe I should buy a lottery ticket now!" Somehow, though, I think God might have drawn the line there...

Luke 13

I read Luke 13 last night, and was struck by the bit right at the beginning where the people tell Jesus about Pilate mixing the blood of Galileans (presumably those he murdered) with their sacrifices. The people seem to be expecting Jesus to condemn Pilate, but instead he says, "Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans, because they suffered in this way? No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish. Or those eighteen on whom the tower in Siloam fell and killed them: do you think that they were worse offenders than all the others who lived in Jerusalem? No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish." (Luke 13 vv 2 - 5)

The thing I find interesting about this is that we today have the opposite mindset. We don't hear of disasters like the Boxing Day tsunami and think, "Did they sin?"; we think, "Isn't it terrible that innocent people suffer?" It IS terrible that people suffer - I don't want to trivialise suffering or disasters or murder or disease or anything like that - but we've forgotten that no one is innocent and in fact we all deserve death. We're not victims; we're sinners who have rejected God and who need to repent. Repentance is not a 'lifestyle choice' for the super-religious; it's the only thing that will save us from the punishment we deserve for rejecting God... but until we, as a society, get out of this mindset that believes we are innocent victims we'll never see any need to turn back to God and repent of our rebellion.

Oh dear...

I just ran in to my former Greek teacher (now the Honours coordinator) at uni and she told me that my former Latin teacher, with whom I and many others had all the issues last year, will be taking intermediate Greek for the first three weeks of semester before she goes on maternity leave. Unfortunately this woman absolutely hates me because of the grade dispute I raised last year (glares at me when she sees me) so it should be... interesting, to say the least. Plus my Greek is virtually non-existent at the moment so she's definitely going to love that!

I'll say one thing - if she tries any of the bullying crap that she tried last year I won't be putting up with it, that's for sure. She already hates me so it's not like I can alienate her any further, and I'm not afraid of her so I'll be quite happy to make a formal complaint if it comes to that. The complaint I made last year was 'unofficial' and more in the nature of a chat with the school manager, because it was the teacher's first semester and I didn't want to be too hard on her, but I see now that was a mistake because none of the issues were addressed and things have gone from bad to worse. I hope things will be okay this semester but if not, I won't make the same mistake twice.

Letting go

Tonight is my last evening at my (soon to be) old church. I have mixed feelings about leaving... a large part of what I feel is a sense of relief, because I've been very hurt by both the general lack of love and by a couple of specific incidents. However, I know that holding grudges is one of my worst faults, so I want to try hard to be loving and gracious. I have been at the church for three years and I have some good friends - I don't want to look back on the entire three years with a sense of bitterness, because that would be undeserved. And I'm sure I've played my own part in the lack of love too, so I shouldn't place all the blame with other people. However, I think that leaving is part of what will help me get over the hurt and anger so hopefully I'll be able to maintain good relationships with the friends I have there, and not feel anger or bitterness towards the church. Relying on God's strength for this, of course...

Word cloud

The picture below is a 'word cloud' from a site called SnapShirts. They create these from random words in your blog, and you can get it on a t-shirt if you want. I like it.

Changes

I've changed the colour of my blog again - that pink was starting to give me a headache. Oh, and apparently this is post #100... I'm obviously not a really dedicated blogger because it's taken me 12 months to reach this point!

Moving on

I have finally come to a decision about church, and shall be leaving Church1 and staying with Church2 full time in a couple of weeks. It's been a difficult decision in a number of ways. I've been at Church1 for three years and although I haven't felt a real sense of fellowship, and have felt very neglected at times, I do have some friends there. Also, I've agonised over whether I should stay and try to change things rather than leaving and letting the same situation continue.

I suppose in a way leaving is a selfish decision, because I'm moving to a church that meets my social needs. However, it's not just my social needs that have suffered in the last three years. I haven't had anyone to whom I'm accountable; I've had no one to pray with; I've had no one to ask me how I'm going with reading the Bible... and I've really missed these things. Not only have I missed them, but the total lack of accountability has made me completely slack (which is, of course, why accountability is so important), so my Christian walk has suffered. NOT, I hasten to add, that I hold anyone responsible for that except me, but I know myself and I know that it helps me to be accountable and to pray and read the Bible with people.

Anyway, I've made my decision now and I'll be talking to the evening service minister tonight to let him know why I'm leaving, then I'll tell a few other people privately, and make next week my last Sunday there. It's a bit of a scary step to take but I feel good about it.

Mum's scone recipe

No longer a closely guarded secret...

Ingredients:
4 - 4 1/2 cups self raising flour
300mL cream
300mL water

Method:
Put flour in large bowl (start with 4 cups and add more if required).
Mix cream and water together in a jug.
Make a well in the middle of the flour and gradually add the cream & water mix.
After all the liquid is added the dough should be sticky but still workable. If it's too sticky, add more flour until you can knead it without getting your fingers completely caught in it.
Use medium cookie cutter to cut rounds approx 2 - 3cm thick (depending on how tall you like your scones).
Place rounds on lightly greased tray and brush the top of each with milk or with slightly diluted beaten egg.
Cook in moderate (180C) oven until lightly golden.
When cooked, DON'T cool them on a wire rack. Instead, wrap them in a tea towel so they don't dry out.
Serve with jam and cream

Book review - Part 2

(**Scroll down a couple of entries for the first part of this review**)

Okay, the rest of the review of Stirrings of the Soul (Michael Raiter, (2003), St Matthias Press.)

One of the great things about this book is what it is not. It's not a treatise on the advantages of speaking in tongues; nor does it set out to show that speaking in tongues is entirely unbiblical and something no 'proper', wise, educated Christian would ever tolerate. It's not a book that wades into the 'evangelicals vs. charismatics' debate at all, at least in the usual sense, and does not seek to take sides in any way. It's extremely balanced and in fact shows clearly that a discussion about spirituality is far more than a verbal tennis match about speaking in tongues and other well-known 'spiritual gifts'.

'Balanced' and 'fair' are probably the first two words that spring to mind, actually. Michael Raiter has words of praise AND condemnation for all sides of the spiritual debate, and these words are always based on thoughtful and contextual biblical investigation, as well as anecdotal and societal observation. He seems very clued-in on why so many Christians hunger for spiritual experiences, and why some choices (both right and wrong) are so attractive to us.

The last couple of chapters of the book are where he gets into real-life examples and application. These are the chapters that alternately made me very uncomfortable and also made me say, "Yes! You're so right!" Chapter 9, "Thirsty Evangelicals", was particularly relevant to me, as a reasonably well educated evangelical who has been taught (implicitly) to treat emotionalism with some fear and suspicion. Our God is a relational God and it is ultimately unsatisfying to have all the knowledge but none of the emotion (just as, I imagine, it is unsatisfying to have all the emotion but know nothing about the God you love). Raiter struck a chord with me by saying, "Have you ever wondered... why we make more of what we believe than whom we trust? We are in love with the gospel, but feel a little uncomfortable with Jesus." (p228) Hmmm... ouch.

Wherever you stand with regards to spiritual matters, and whatever your understanding of what 'spiritual matters' actually means, I would recommend reading this book. There is a great temptation, no matter who we are, to gravitate towards that which we feel brings us closer to God. Stirrings of the Soul is helpful in pointing out what the Bible says about our relationship with God and our relationships with other believers. It doesn't merely point out what we are doing right or doing wrong; it points to our great God who has saved us through Jesus and who calls us to love Him. Evangelicals, charasmatics, and everyone else - you have nothing to fear from this book, and perhaps you will gain some great insights into your own understanding of spirituality. I'll leave the last words to Michael Raiter:

"Rightly understood, the gospel will be deeply felt. This is a hallmark of evangelical piety, and while continuing to eschew false expressions of emotionalism, which are contrived, we ought to recognise that the gospel of Jesus Christ will evoke a response of love and gratitude from the whole person, their heart, soul and mind...

...The call here is not a call to a new kind of mystical encounter with the Lord; one which elevates or isolates from the rest of our personhood the emotional or the experiential. Yet, at the same time it is a call not to be less than human in our daily expression of life in the Spirit." (pp 250, 251)

I'm oooooold!

After church this morning someone invited me to dinner at her home. She said, "We're having a dinner for all the middle-aged people at church. Would you like to come?" I'm sure she meant, "We're inviting all the people who are roughly our age and have something in common with us" but I was a bit taken aback, to say the least. I'm 36... I suppose if I die at 72 then I'm middle-aged but that's the first time anyone has ever applied the phrase to me. Gah... how depressing. I've entered a new era.

Book review - Part 1

I've just finished reading Stirrings of the Soul, by Michael Raiter. The blurb from the back of the book says (in part):

The explosion of interest in spirituality in our society is nothing short of phenomenal. New Age, feminist, environmental, occult, animal, vegetable and mineral... While 'religion' and 'Christianity' arouse little enthusiasm from a disinterested and cynical public, 'spirituality' draws a crowd.

Among Christians, too, there is a flourishing interest in developing a greater 'spirituality'. Many who love the Lord Jesus and long to please him seem frustrated that their spiritual lives - and the church services they attend - are often too dry and lacking in vitality...

...Michael Raiter surveys contemporary spiritualities, highlighting both their enormous variety and their common features, and tracing their historical, cultural and social roots. He then addresses a range of important questions for Christians: What is true spirituality? If we were to meet a 'truly spiritual' person, what would he or she look like? How do we respond biblically to our longing for spiritual intimacy? And is evangelicalism, in its current expressions, contributing to an atmosphere of spiritual dryness?

I found the book enjoyable and challenging reading. There are bits of the book - particularly the style in which it's written - that some people may not like... as with any book. I'll address those things in this blog and discuss my opinion of the book overall in the next blog. (For those who can't wait, I'll simply say that my verdict is extremely favourable!)

Firstly, more than half the book is devoted to tracing the rise of spiritualities over time, and so people may find this a bit dry and be tempted to skip over these chapters to get on to the 'relevant' stuff. I would caution against doing this, because the applications he makes in the last few chapters build on the 'historical' information from previous chapters.

Secondly, Michael Raiter is very thorough in his research. I actually consider this a bonus, but it means there are lots of endnotes to each chapter and there are many people who are quoted or referenced in the book. For myself, my only quibble here is that he used endnotes and not footnotes so I was forced to flick to the end of each chapter whenever a note was used!

Thirdly, he is writing from a Reformed Anglican viewpoint. This is fine, but it means people who are unfamiliar with this particular form of evangelicalism may not know what he's on about when he talks about evangelical beliefs and behaviours. I consider this minor, though, because his explanations all seem to be very thorough and understandable. (But then again, I'm coming from a pretty similar point myself so perhaps I understand it simply because it's familiar...)

That's it for the negatives, and frankly I think they're fairly inconsequential. I'll write more about the content of the book next time.

The wrong clothes?

I know that Billy Connolly says, "There's no such thing as bad weather; there are just the wrong clothes", but I don't think the man has ever had to live through a 40C degree day with no air conditioning. This weather is vile.

Unpacked!

Hurrah, I have unpacked every last box and put away every last bit of junk that was lying around! The only things left now are some items I'll be putting up on Ebay, but they're tucked out of the way for the moment so they don't look messy. My housemate has a few things to go but it's mostly bedroom stuff and apparently his bedroom is fully functional (in terms of being able to get to clothes and the bed) so I think he'll take his time with it. Anyway, the house looks like a home now... and feels like one too. I still don't have much food in the house but enough to stave off malnutrition and starvation until I get paid again.

The bad news (for me) is that my landlady came over today to pick up something and informed me that two of my pieces of wooden bedroom furniture have borers in them! (She's an antique/furniture dealer so she knows what she's talking about.) She reckons I should throw them out immediately but I'm not keen to do that because (a) I really like at least one of them; and (b) I can't afford to replace them. So I'll be implementing Plan B, which is to take them outside and spray kerosene all over them. Sigh. I have no way of knowing whether the borers are active or not - ie, they may have been in it previously but be dead now. I want to believe they're not active, since they're only in these two bits of furniture and nothing else has been affected... but then again, these two pieces are both pine. They may go for the nice, soft wood first and get on to the other stuff later! It's strange, actually, because one of the pieces has been in my bedroom for the last few years, touching my wooden bed (which is not affected) and the other piece has been in storage for three years, touching other unaffected wooden furniture, so they can't really have infected each other and they don't seem to have infected anything else. Anyway, I'll try the kerosene thing and see how it goes.

In other news... I heard a great sermon the other night. It was on the temptation of Jesus as told in Luke's gospel. The preacher made the point that satan doesn't just work through the occult; he tempts us with the good things that God has provided for us - like when he tempted Jesus with food, which is a good thing in itself. He (the guy preaching) said, "Satan tempts us with the good so we will turn away from the best." Ouch. So true.

More trials of moving house

The pile of flattened packing boxes outside my back door is now so big that I could nearly build another house with it. I am nearly at the end of getting stuff out of boxes but finding places for it all is taking slightly longer. Places other than the middle of the floor, I mean. It's getting there but my attention span seems to be getting shorter every day, to match my diminishing enthusiasm about the whole thing, so it's a slow process.

The other night I had dinner with friends, which was delightful on many levels. It was the day before my furniture arrived so it was great to eat something other than cheese sandwiches, and to sit on a chair instead of the floor; and it was also very nice to relax and chat with people. Every time I go home (interstate) for Christmas I spend loads of wonderful time with friends and family, and it's always a bit disheartening to come back here where I'm much more solitary. This time, however, I felt like someone actually noticed I was gone! It felt good to come back and be welcomed with love - not just by this couple, but by other people at church who made a point of coming up to me on Sunday and welcoming me back. This was at the 'new' church (for those who've been following that story) which, for reasons like this one, I think may soon be my only church.

Moving house

I have just moved house. Unfortunately my furniture (meant to be arriving from interstate) is lagging behind, so I'm rattling around in empty rooms. I do have my bedroom furniture and my desk, but that's about it. No fridge, no saucepans, no microwave. I have a few provisions in an esky, for which I buy a bag of ice every day, but we've just had three 35 degree days in a row so the poor esky is struggling. As is the esky's poor owner, since my fan is also in transit!

Anyway, I'm feeling quite good about having some elbow room and being able to unpack the things that have been in storage for three years. And I suppose it's been good to have a delay on the delivery of my furniture since it means I've been able to unpack most of what's here before the rest of it arrives, so I'm actually ahead. Still... it would be nice to have a fridge... and some chairs!

The other day I had someone here connecting the phone and cable internet. The job took about two hours and during that time I had a Christian CD playing (one of the Emu Music CDs). I was unpacking things and pottering around so I just had it playing in the background, on repeat, while I worked. I didn't bother to change it since I was in and out of rooms and busy doing things. I realised afterwards that the technician probably heard the words "Jesus" and "God" about 200 times. Heh... stealth evangelism!

Saddam Hussein

They've just confirmed that Saddam Hussein has been executed for crimes against humanity. I must say I don't know how I feel about this. He did some terrible things, there's no denying that, and it's unlikely that a fine or imprisonment would have stopped him or his followers. But still... was killing him the solution? And what is it that we're trying to 'solve' anyway? Murder of innocents? Plenty of that has been done in many, many wars but it's only ever the losing side that's tried for these crimes. I just feel strongly that murder is not the solution to murder, and it's no deterrent. If executions worked there would have been no dictators after the Nuremberg trials, but of course there have been dictators and corrupt governments all through history.

Anyway, one corrupt leader has died today. I don't know if he remained unrepentant or if he turned to the living God at the end. Probably not... and if not, that's the truly terrible thing about his death.

Ripped off (Christmas) joke #4

It's Christmas Day in a busy hospital. Twins are born - a boy and a girl. The proud father says, "Because it's Christmas, we're calling them Noel and Carmel." The doctor says, "I can understand Noel, but why Carmel?" The father says, "From the song... you know - 'O Carmel ye faithful...' "

Fun and games

I visited some friends last night for dinner (pizza, as they moved house three days ago and haven't unpacked yet). After dinner we played a game called The Settlers of Catan. I do love board games and this one was great... a bit competitive but not cut-throat (although in different company it could have been), some strategy, the ability to come back from last place, the ending not a foregone conclusion... it was loads of fun. My (soon to be) new housemate was there and he said he owns the game too so we'll be able to invite people over to play - yay!

I'm looking forward to moving to the new house and being able to have people over... although I need to remind myself that I am supposed to be studying and this is an important year. I keep thinking "great, I can invite X and Y and maybe Z too, and another time have a barbecue and... oh wait, this isn't one long party... !!" This year I barely emerged from my study except to get more books and growl at people; why should next year be any different??

Ho ho ho...

I blame television - especially Hallmark made-for-TV movies. Why else would we have such high expectations of warm, cozy family Christmas celebrations? I mean, nothing in my family experience has led me to expect a TV Christmas, yet every year I'm disappointed because it's not like that. This year has been a doozy, though, as the fights started before we even laid eyes on each other. A few organisational e-mails have been going back and forth... who's bringing the salad, who's bringing dessert, that kind of thing... and suddenly they degenerated into vicious attacks for no good reason. Well, no good reason other than the fact that the attacker was almost certainly drunk when he wrote the e-mail and possibly thought it was funny. It wasn't. There has been a half-hearted, almost apologetic e-mail since then, although the word 'sorry' was never used. It made things slightly better but I'm still rather dreading Christmas lunch.

I've been thinking about the old 'you can't choose your relatives' thing, which led me to wander over into thoughts about my Christian family. Sometimes I think I'm closer to my Christian family than my actual (blood-related) family, but of course that's taking a very narrow view. I'm very close to the Christians I know well, who love me and whom I choose to love, but there are many more Christians in the world and they're my family too. Like my blood family, some of them annoy me. I disagree violently with some of them. I vote differently. I don't like the way they dress, or eat, or the way they behave in public. Sometimes they embarrass me. But like my blood family, I am compelled to love them, care for them, pray for them and accept them - because we are family; united in Christ. Forgive me, my family. Happy Christmas.

Avian penthouse suite

I just walked into the garage for something, looked up and saw this nest. Pretty clever actually, since it's in the shade and well out of the way of predators... and the bird obviously doesn't mind the door going up and down every day (it's nesting on the thingy that controls the door). What a world when even the birds are living the inner-city, apartment lifestyle!

Ripped-off joke #3

This has done the e-mail rounds dozens of times but it still makes me laugh...

It started out innocently enough.

I began to think at parties now and then -- to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone, to relax. That's what I told myself though I knew it wasn't true.

Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?" One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think about.

I came home early after my conversation with the boss.

"Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."

"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"

"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as university professors, and university professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money."

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently.

She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door. I headed for the library, in the mood for some John Raulston Saul. I roared into the parking lot with ABC on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors...

They didn't open. The library was closed. To this day, I believe that a Categorical Imperative was looking out for me that night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for some rational empiricism, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.

Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I took out a subscription to the Telegraph, started to watch the news on Ten.

I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.

Today, I joined the Liberal Party...

Inspiring...

O Holy Night
(J S Dwight & A C Adam, 19th Century)

O holy night, the stars are brightly shining;
It is the night of our dear Saviour's birth!
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees, O hear the angel voices!
O night divine, O night when Christ was born!
O night divine, O night, O night divine!

Holy folks

One of my sisters rang me yesterday and told me she'd seen Jesus dolls in K-Mart. I thought she was joking, but no, it's absolutely true. And not just Jesus... I particularly like the Mary doll, holding the maniacally grinning baby. Somehow she doesn't strike me as the same Mary whose soul magnifies the Lord... and of course, like all good cartoon characters, they only have four toes. Yeah, way to confuse the kiddies.

New home!

We found a place to live! Actually, not "we", as I had nothing to do with it - my future housemate found the ad, rang the owner and sweet-talked her (all from interstate, I might add). All I had to do was show up, see the place, smile sweetly and look like a responsible tenant. And I know you're reading this, my friend, so this is your public recognition - excellently done and you have much gratitude from me!

The house is much bigger than anything I've seen thus far and is definitely underpriced. It's a private leasing arrangement, which normally worries me but not this time. The owner has had two long term tenants in this place and one long term tenant next door (to whom she has already introduced me) so she's obviously a good landlady. No one stays 7+ years in a place with a bad owner, no matter how great the place is.

Our lease starts from 1 January - a good start to a new year. I'm excited! (And completely broke, once the lease and first month's rent is paid on Tuesday, but hopefully I'll have enough time to save up some money for a removalist... not worrying about it yet.)

Packing

Once again I am packing to move house. I haven't actually found a place yet but decided to get a head start on the packing... and have been reminded once again how much I hate the packing/unpacking process. You would think I'd remember, having moved 8 or 9 times by now... wait, let me count... okay, it's 8 moves and 9 addresses, so this one will be my 9th move since 1991. Fortunately I have a great capacity for feeling at home wherever I am and don't tend to spend too long feeling displaced. I suppose part of it is having familiar things around me - not sure how at home I'd feel if all my possessions were lost in a fire! Anyway, I'm looking forward to the move, and to having a bit of elbow room. I've been boarding for nearly three years, living in one room with 95% of my stuff in storage. Should be fun to unpack it all and reacquaint myself with it... although I did sell a fair bit of furniture before I moved and I can't remember exactly what went (ie, what needs replacing). I'm pretty sure I need a desk, a microwave and some bookcases but I know there was other stuff. Oh well... guess I'll find out once I start unpacking.

Now to find a place to live...

Star Trek and religion

Look, I know that Star Trek isn't real - I do! - but I watched an episode today that had me absolutely incensed. It was a TNG episode, Klingon-centric, where a character called Kahless (not sure of the spelling) returns after hundreds of years. He was a warrior who promised to return to unite the Klingon people, and he returned at that particular time because of the faith of his followers. So, like a very hairy, aggressive Jesus, I guess. Anyway, the leader of the government doesn't want to give up power to this guy claiming to be Kahless, so some investigation is done and it turns out Kahless is a clone, although given memories of the original, long-dead Kahless, so in fact he thinks he's the real deal.

The part that made me so angry is that they decide to appoint him Emperor, even though he's a clone, and let him work side-by-side with the current head of government in order to maintain peace. Someone asks what they should tell the faithful followers and is told (I'm paraphrasing from memory), "We shall tell them the truth. It doesn't matter that he's a clone; the important thing is that they have something to believe in." Star Trek is well known for disliking religion, and thus making sure that any examples of true faithfulness are only shown in non-human or 'backward' races, so it's obvious this episode was aimed at Christians. Actually, even if it wasn't, the idea that any religion would be happy with a FAKE deity, just so long as they have someone to worship, is so offensive. Faith is not about the rituals or the need to believe in something; it is (in the case of Christianity) about following the true and living God. It's about turning away from all of the fake stuff, not about accepting anyone who happens to have the right smile and appropriate leadership qualities.

Okay, maybe I take this stuff too seriously, but it alarms me how this kind of thinking is taking over. If people think WE are willing to follow anyone or anything then it sends a clear message that it doesn't matter what people believe. If it's all about the faith and not the object of the faith, then you can believe anything you like, and everyone is right. However, MY religion says that there is a God, there is a heaven and there is a hell, and the only way to reach one and avoid the other is by accepting Jesus' sacrifice on our behalf. Not by being good or by performing rituals, just by faith in Jesus. If YOUR religion says that it doesn't matter and all roads lead to God, then clearly one of us is wrong. If I'm wrong, that's no problem because my road will lead to God just as surely as yours. But... what if I'm right?

An unusual event...

People who read this blog regularly will be amazed to realise that I've managed to go a whole week without adding a complaint or a whine... and this entry will be no exception, because I've had a great week and a good day today.

I can't remember if I mentioned this before, but I applied for a part time checkout chick job a week or so ago, and found out on Friday that I was successful, and start in January. Obviously not my ideal job but perfect for a student - this store prefers to put people on as part-time staff, not casual, so I'll get regular hours and be able to accrue holiday pay. I think I'll be casual for a little while, though.

Today I was invited out for lunch by the same family who took me out last week, plus another member of their family. It was fun and relaxed... and just nice to have some social time with people. I've missed that so much.

Finally - or perhaps, primarily - partly as the result of listening to a song, of all things,* which really spoke to my 'behind-thinks' (to paraphrase a character in John Wyndham's The Chrysalids), I realised this week that I don't have a heart of stone and I do, in fact, long for heaven just a little bit. This may not sound like a big deal, but for about 5 years I have wanted nothing to do with God (despite behaving like Super-Christian); in fact I have been seriously angry with him, for a number of reasons. Long story which I won't go into here... but anyway, God has healed me of that in a way that I can only call miraculous. I keep wanting to walk up to strangers and say, "Hey, guess what? I like God!" I feel like a new person... although I guess I've just been reminded that I am already a new person, and should be living like one. Praise God!

* (I say, "a song, of all things" because it is totally outside my experience to be so affected by a song - even a Christian song - that it would cause me to change the way I think and behave. I like music, obviously... but this was different - which shows that even ordinary things can be life changing when God wants to use them.)

Unobservant?

I was reading John last night, from chapter 11 to the end. There were a number of details I swear I've never, ever read before. Not enormously significant things, but still... after 19 years of being a Christian, is it even possible that there are things in the Bible I haven't read? Particularly one of the gospels, which is more likely to be familiar to me than, say, Habakkuk.

Birthday - part 2

I love having sisters who are so similar in personality to me, and who know me so well. One sister sent me the 2-disc edition of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe and the other sent me the fake travel book San Sombrero (very funny) and the first series of Extras. These are exactly the gifts I would have bought them, and exactly the gifts I would have bought myself. I love having the kind of relationship where we don't even need to speak in full sentences to have full communication. I think it drives my brothers-in-law a bit nuts, though...

Birthday

It was my birthday yesterday and I had an unexpectedly delightful day. I was all prepared to wallow in self pity because I am interstate from all my family and friends, but I didn't have a chance. Just as well, really... that kind of thing should not be encouraged!

I went to church in the morning and was accosted immediately after the service by friends who offered to take me out to lunch. We went to the Airstream Cafe, which had nice food (at least, my BLT foccacia was nice) at a reasonable price... not cheap, but not outrageous. Particularly cheap for me, since they generously paid for my meal. It was a nice, relaxed afternoon with lots of friendly conversation. This is a family I don't know very well so I enjoyed chatting with them about the deep and the superficial. (I mentioned the TV show 'Black Books' and they said they liked it. I thought to myself, "I knew you were my kind of people!") We wandered off down the road afterwards for coffee, gelato and more conversation. When we eventually separated to head home the wife of the couple gave me one of her CDs, which we'd been discussing earlier (I already have her other solo CDs but not this one). There was a struggle going on inside me between the thoughts, "Artists really should be paid for their work, even if they're friends" and "Woo-hoo! A free CD!" The latter thought won.

I came home to find a card from my housemate, containing a poem telling me to go look in the garage. I found a mug filled with Maltesers (yum) and another poem telling me to look in my linen cupboard. There I found a bottle of perfume and a final poem directing me elsewhere, where I found a glass serving platter. It was lots of fun and the gifts were lovely too.

In the afternoon I went to my other church, where friends approached me and invited me back to their house for cake (baked in honour of my birthday) and coffee. The teenage daughters of the family had made me a card on their computer, and they all sang happy birthday and made me blow out candles (not the full number for my age, though... I don't think they had that many...)

In addition to all this love and care I also had a number of text messages and phone calls from people in my home town. All in all, a truly delightful day!

Hospital

My Dad is in hospital at the moment, with a mystery illness that looks like it's turning out to be Type 2 diabetes. He's lost a bit of weight recently but apart from that he hasn't had any really obvious symptoms (and with two people in the family with Type 1 diabetes, we're fairly aware of the symptoms) so it's all a little strange. He was quite ill earlier in the week - dizzy and unable to balance - so Mum took him to Emergency and they admitted him that day. He seems to be fine but they haven't worked out whether he's to go on tablets or injections. I imagine that tablets would be his preference... I know it would be mine, were it me in the hospital!
Update:
Apparently he'll be coming home today (10 November) but they still haven't worked out whether he has Type 1 or Type 2 diabetes, so I don't know what that means in terms of injections or tablets.

Surreal

I was walking through uni today, listening to my MP3 player. It just happened that the next song to come on was by someone I know slightly from church - I only met her myself a little while ago but she's a quite well known Christian singer/song-writer. Not more than thirty seconds later she and her husband appeared in front of me. It was a strangely surreal moment which I handled in a very uncool manner by blurting out, "Hey, I was just listening to you!" (without adding, "and here you are - isn't that weird?", which resulted in me sounding like a fangirl). Heh. Anyway, now I'm wondering if perhaps my MP3 player has some hitherto undiscovered magical properties. Just in case it does, I plan to find an audio clip of Liam Neeson and see what happens...

Christmas carols

Following a discussion last week about Christmas carols, I went online to hunt down the lyrics to a couple. I came across this gem. I only wish I had the music... wonder if I could convince them to sing it in church this Christmas?

Euwww!!

My boss moved a bookcase this morning and found a dead rat behind it. Actually, judging by the smell, it was probably more like half a rat - decomposition was well underway. We knew there was one somewhere but hadn't been able to find it... I'm glad he did, but still... yuck. I left the building for five minutes while he dealt with it - there are advantages to girliness, sometimes!

Love, Corinthian style

Bible study today was on 1 Corinthians 13 (the 'love' chapter that people are always using for weddings). It's interesting to look at it in context, because if it's viewed in conjuction with chapters 11 to 14 it's far from the warm, fuzzy chapter that it's often considered. It's really an indictment on the Corinthians - "this is how you should be using your gifts and this is how you should be treating each other... and you're doing the opposite". Taken in that light, the bit about 'when I was a child, I thought like a child... when I became a man I put childish things behind me' must have been a real slap in the face for them. And for us, potentially.

We talked about some specific examples. One thing that we all seem to have trouble with is "love keeps no record of wrongs", because holding a grudge seems to come so naturally to us. Often, too, we don't even fully realise we've been storing things up until we get into arguments that quickly degenerate into accusations of "you always do this or that", rather than addressing the one thing that the argument was about in the first place. This is something with which I particularly struggle - often I let things go because I tell myself they're not worth arguing about (and they're not) but find myself stewing over them later, which intensifies my reaction to whatever it was the next time it happens. The solution doesn't seem to be to address the things at the time, because they're often really not worth discussion, so I need to work on genuinely letting go of things instead of merely convincing myself that I've let go of them.

At the end of the study someone prayed for undergrad students who are undertaking exams (of which I am one). He prayed that the students would use the time to rely on God, to pray and to read the Bible... to my shame, I have to say that's probably the last thing I'd think of doing (or praying about) at the moment. Hmmm... time to re-evaluate my priorities...

Rain!

It's raining! Proper rain too, not that ten-minutes of spottiness every three weeks we've been getting recently. What a delightful sound. Now if only it would continue in this fashion for the next week or two...
Update:
It didn't.

Cyclone economics

According to this article, the far north Queensland cyclones may have an overall positive economic impact on the affected areas, because the amount being generated through building, insurance claims and relief projects is greater than the amount lost by producers and businesses. Somehow I don't see that being a comfort to a plantation owner who's looking at empty hillsides that won't have viable banana crops for a number of years...

The year in review...

It's only as the end of the year approaches that I'm starting to realise just how stressful and generally miserable this year has been. I've spent most of the year in a constant, gut-churning, sleep-depriving worry about money, with the possibility of having to quit uni and move back interstate hanging constantly over my head. Uni itself was tremendously hard work and had its own stresses with my Latin teacher in first semester - which is not really resolved, since I'll have to deal with her next year in Honours. Church has been... interesting. I think what I found quite difficult is that with all the other stresses I really needed some support - or just someone to say, "yeah, that sucks" - but I don't have that support here at all. So I had a whole lot of stress and no outlet for it, which in itself caused me stress and made me depressed and cranky a lot of the time. Generally, a pretty unpleasant year, and I'm only realising it now as I have a bit of time to think about things. I've been pushing all this stress etc to one side all year, because there were too many things that needed to get done, but it escaped fairly often... generally in the form of bad temper and shrewishness. Nice. I'm surprised my head didn't explode some time around August.

I don't know what next year will bring. Hopefully not more of the same, although I don't expect it to be stress-free. I suppose what I need is some way of dealing with it (other than being a shrew), rather than simply hoping it's a better year. If I hadn't spent the year ignoring God it may have helped... sigh.

Essay update

I received an HD. Phew. You'd think I'd know when I've written an HD essay but I still have the occasional crisis of confidence. I'd like to say it gives me an 'edge' but I think all it gives me is grey hair and an upset tummy...

And for a complete non sequitur - I really love this painting.

Ugh

I just saw the most horrible thing in the supermarket - 'ham sticks'. Like cheese sticks, but... ham. Pink, cylindrical-shaped sticks. Of ham. HAM! Is it just me who's revolted by this? Okay then...

Staggering

As far as my university career goes (at least the pass-degree part of it) I'm about 100 metres away from the finish line, but wow - it feels like I'm at the wrong end of a marathon. I only have to submit one essay and one take-home exam (which includes a small essay), then sit a Greek test and I'm done for the year. Done forever, if I want. (I don't want, as it happens.) Why does everything feel so impossibly hard and exhausting now, when I have so much behind me? Well... that's probably the reason...

Ancient Rome and Darth Vader

I've just handed in an essay which I very much enjoyed writing. I'm not sure whether a good mark will follow, but surely enthusiasm counts for something?? The essay looked at the way America has, historically, used the idea of ancient Rome to make political or social comment. For example, it is said that during the time of the American Revolution, the revolutionaries used to write to each other using Roman code names. George Washington was particularly captivated with ancient Rome and there are a number of statues and paintings in which he's depicted in Roman military garb (eg, here).

By the time you get to the 1950s and '60s, Hollywood is starting to churn out the historical epic film (eg, Cleopatra, The Robe, Ben-Hur, Spartacus, Quo Vadis, etc), partly as a way of commenting on Cold War politics - Rome became representative of evil government. Spartacus is the one I found particularly interesting, because it leaves itself open to being read in a couple of very different ways. On the one hand, it can be read as a comment against McCarthyism and the activities of the House Un-American Activities Committee. The movie was based on a novel by Howard Fast, who was imprisoned for communism, and the screenplay was partially written by Dalton Trumbo, one of the famous 'Hollywood Ten' who were blacklisted in 1948. (In fact this was the first film since the blacklist in which he used his own name.) There are many pointed scenes in the film where characters are asked to become informers to Rome or to collaborate with Rome... very much like people who were questioned by the FBI or the HUAC. But then on the other hand the movie can be read as Cold War rhetoric - Rome represents Soviet Russia and/or Nazi Germany (communism and fascism had started to elide in people's minds at about this point) and the slave army represents the moral right who oppose them. I found it all very interesting, because the movie has been appropriated by various groups, and the character of Spartacus has also been appropriated by various groups - not just in America but all over the world, including Nazi Germany. (Obviously their take on the story differed from America's.)

What I found so fascinating about all of this is that, somewhere in there, there was a real Rome. However, the idea of Rome seems to be far more powerful than any bald facts about the Roman empire... it's as though an idea, an image, has developed a life of its own, and it moves people independently of history.

And the Darth Vader comment? Well, I read a great article but didn't have room to include it. The author talked about the way the empire in Star Wars was meant to symbolise Rome - but of course, what it's meant to trigger in the mind is not Rome, but the previous incarnations of Rome in Hollywood; incarnations that represent something entirely different. It's a 'layer upon layer upon layer' thing (for those of you who remember the old Sara Lee commercial) - Darth Vader and his cronies are meant to make us think of Rome and in doing so, because of our old Hollywood association with Rome, we are meant to recall evil and oppressive governments such as Soviet Russia and Nazi Germany. So the empire in Star Wars represents fascism through the conduit of Rome. It's complicated but it works because we're used to seeing Rome a particular way and attaching specific meaning to it. It was really fascinating and now I wish I'd included it in my essay! Oh well... too late now; I've handed it in.

Still no verdict

Well, I've been attending two churches for a bit over two months now and I'm no closer to deciding whether I shall dump one. I suspect I'll continue to go to both. Church2 has a new minister so I've been waiting to see how things go there - it will take a while for him to settle in and for the church to settle in to him being there. His preaching is okay although not very meaty and he very obviously (to me, at least) holds back on some of the more controversial issues. I don't know whether this is because he doesn't want to make waves just yet, or because he takes a soft stance anyway. I suspect it's both, actually, which is a little disappointing but not surprising, given both the particular demonination and the city in which I live.

Church1, on the other hand, continues to have excellent teaching but is not overwhelming me with friendliness. I shall possibly (probably) be flatting with a friend next year - rather than boarding, which I'm doing now - so that may give me opportunities to demonstrate hospitality... perhaps they'll get the hint! Not that I can do too much of that since I'm a student and on a tight budget - plus I want to be fair to my housemate who may not want people over all the time - but a few invitations here and there might help to thaw out a few people. To be fair, 'thaw out' is not the correct term. They're very friendly when we're all at church; they're just not great at keeping in contact at other times, which means if I miss church no one bothers to see if I'm still alive or not. That kind of neglect can become rather soul-destroying after a while. I've lived here (and attended the same church) for just under three years and in that time I've been invited to the homes of three people... and apart from one lovely family, I've only been invited the once. I'm not expecting people to go all out for me but demonstrating a desire to know me as a person, outside the two hours or so they see me on a Sunday, would be nice.

Anyway... whinge whinge.

Uni update: wow, it's hectic. Classes have finished but I still have two essays to hand in and two exams to do - one with an essay and a literary criticism and the other is a Greek exam, so I'll need to put in lots of study for it. All in all, I'm very busy and feeling a little overwhelmed but fortunately I work fairly well under pressure so hopefully I'll get it all done without wanting to undertake a ritual suicide...

Celebrity deaths

Without wishing to speak ill of the dead, I have to say that I am somewhat baffled by the national mourning over the deaths of Steve Irwin and Peter Brock. Of course it's terrible for their families and for people who actually knew them or had met them, and for fans it's kind of sad, but this huge outpouring of grief from people who didn't know them at all is so strange to me. I have no desire to shed tears over someone I've never met; someone I only know from their public persona.

I'm sure if I'd been at Steve Irwin's public memorial, held in the zoo he started and which is so important to the Irwin family, I would have cried. But I would have been crying in the same way I cry at a sad movie - not because I feel grief but because I recognise the inherent sadness of the situation. I'd be crying in sympathy with other people, not as an expression of my own grief. When fans say they are devastated I wonder why they think that. Do they have to look at an empty seat at the dinner table? Do they have to pack up Steve's clothes and sort through his personal effects? Will they get to December and start to dread Christmas because Steve won't be there? I doubt it. In reality, Steve Irwin's death and Peter Brock's death - and any celebrity death - has almost no impact on the day to day lives of ordinary fans who didn't know them. There's no doubt it's shocking when a familiar figure dies suddenly, particularly when it was through a freak accident, and I believe part of what makes it shocking is that we are suddenly confronted with mortality once again - that thing we try so hard to avoid thinking about - and we may feel genuine sympathy for their families, but grief? I don't know... I feel somehow that we don't have the right to grief over strangers. To me it seems to cheapen the real grief felt by those people who are faced with a suddenly empty chair at the dinner table.

Library books and Jasper Fforde

There's something very comforting about a large pile of books. I have an essay due in two weeks and for the moment I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with it; nor am I sure if the books I have will be any use. But still... they feel like they'll be useful!

In other news, Jasper Fforde will be in town signing books this week. Fortuitously, I'll be in the vicinity on Tuesday so I intend to hang around. Of course, I don't actually have a copy of his latest book but that's only because I'm waiting for it to be released in regular sized paperback so it will match the rest of my collection! I'm interested to see what sort of man could produce the Thursday Next novels - obviously intelligent but just a little twisted too.

Living (well?) is the best revenge

I just received an assessment for a seminar presentation. It was all good - great mark and everything - but I went a bit over time, so my lecturer cautioned me to be careful about that and said that speakers at post-graduate conferences are often cut off abruptly if they go over time. I showed my housemate, who said, "Yes, that happened to me once... (thoughtful pause)... mind you, I ended up outliving the person who did it so I guess that showed him." Heh.

Church stuff

Okay, so I've had three Sundays at the 'new' church and I've just started going back to the 'old' church. What are my impressions?

Hmmm... well, it's probably still a bit early to say. At this stage it seems the teaching is better at OldChurch but I think the people may be friendlier and more welcoming at NewChurch. To be honest I'm feeling quite hurt at being so neglected by the people at OldChurch and thus I'm still somewhat resentful - this makes it hard for me to compare the two churches fairly. My decision at the moment is that I will not make a decision about anything until the end of the year. I'll keep going along to both and then decide whether to drop one... it may well turn out that I stick with two. That makes things difficult with Bible study though, and with church membership, although actually I've never changed my membership from my previous church interstate. I'm not emotionally ready to do that yet... the people there are family to me and, given my current loneliness at this church, I would really feel like an orphan if I withdrew my membership. Silly, perhaps, but feelings are not necessarily logical.

So I guess the verdict is: so far, so good, and a suspended sentence.

Treadmill video

I don't know why this is funny, but it really tickled my fancy.

Deadline

It's 3.30pm on Saturday. I have to hand in an essay by 5.00pm on Monday. I've just this minute finished reading the play on which I am supposed to write... I'm cutting it a bit fine, perhaps?? This is a combination of overconfidence because it's only a 1,500 word essay (which is a pretty easy task, overconfidence or no) and thirdyearfinalsemesteritis - a little known disease that affects countless numbers of innocent people.

Poor Pluto

No longer a planet - is this the ultimate demotion? Save Pluto!

!!!

I got the job - calloo callay!! I start tomorrow and shall be working 15 hours per week, usually on Wednesdays and Fridays although it's flexible if I have exams or assignments or whatever. Given that I've been looking for a job since last October, I'm pretty happy. The pay is $15ph which isn't huge but is about average for a casual job (and certainly enough to make a big difference to me). He wants someone who will be around for a couple of years so if I do post-grad it will be perfect for me. If I want to go to the bathroom or make a cup of tea I have to put on a safety vest and wend my way between forklift trucks, so that should add some excitement to my days...

Like-mindedness

I applied for a job on the weekend (admin, two days per week). The advertiser said he required someone with anal retentive qualities - I thought, "this is perfect for me!" His application included several questions to be answered, one of which was, "Describe how you arrange your cutlery drawer at home." (Actually he wrote 'draw' but I tried not to get too stressed about that...) That question made my housemate decide the job is perfect for me - or I'm perfect for the job - because the way I tidy the cutlery drawer drives her nuts.

I answered all the questions and included some extra information, like the fact that my books, CDs and DVDs are in alphabetical order, with the DVDs catalogued on a spreadsheet. The guy wrote back and said my admission about cataloguing my DVDs puts me at the head of the queue! Now I'm just waiting for him to confirm when he wants to interview me. I do so hope I get the job... and I hope that our anal retentiveness is similar and not in opposition.

And in other news... I went to a new church on Sunday morning. Not my usual denomination but I didn't pick up any heresy - not that I expected it. Time will tell whether it's where I want to stay. A couple of people were friendly but they usually are friendly on the first visit... the test is whether they're still friendly in 3 months. Anyway for the moment I think I'll go to this church in the morning and my 'regular' church in the evening and work out where I want to stay.

Cranky and pouty

I'm sick to death of this crappy town and the crappy, clique-y, unfriendly people in it.

That is all.